第1篇：笑话英语作文
笑话英语作文(（共27篇））由网友“红豆鲷鱼烧”投稿提供，下面小编给大家带来笑话英语作文，希望能帮助到大家!
篇1：英语笑话
A bar owner locked up his place at 2 a. m. and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang.\“ What time do you open up in the morning ?\” he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire.
在凌晨两点，酒吧店主锁了店门，回家睡觉。他刚躺下几分钟，这时电话响了。“你早上几点营业?”他听到一位明显已醉醺醺的男子的声音。
The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. \“Listen,\” the owner shouted ,\“there's no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn't let a person in your condition in-\”
店主非常气愤，砰地一声挂上电话又上床去睡。几分钟后又有一个电话，他听到还是那个声音问同样的问题。“听着，”店主嚷道，“不要问我什么时候营业，因为我不会让你这种人进----”
\“I don't want to get in,\” the caller interjected. \“I want to get out“
我不是想进来，”那人打断他的话，“我要出去。”
【注释】
(1) obviously adv.明显的
(2) inebriated adj.酒醉的
(3) slam v.砰然放下
(4) interject v.突然插话
篇2：经典英语笑话
英语笑话：俺还未偷汉子
同学是某偏远地区的，英语发音一直不标准，老师英文也是发不准，所以学生更是一口地道的土腔英语。
话说同学的妹妹刚上初一，学英语的积极性狂高，每天早晨天不亮就开始朗读单词，这天像往常一样，继续拼命的读，他爹就蹲在窗户底下抽烟袋。小妹妹念“hands(音:汉子),hands”，“two hands(偷汉子)。他爹听完就止不住的皱眉，一大早就听见闺女要偷汉子，心想怪不得听说外国人开放， 书上都这么写。小妹妹继续读“hands，hands，two hands(偷汉子)”。
最后一句，差点没把老汉气歪过去，小妹妹高声朗读“俺还未偷汉子”(i have two hands)。
英语笑话：孩子的命名学
有一天,一个印地安小孩问他爸爸说:\”dad,我的名字怎么来的?\“父亲
回答说:\”我们族人命名都是以小孩子刚出生时,父亲看到的第一见事物来命名的\“像你哥哥,他刚出生时,我一出门就见到了青山,所以他叫Blue-mountain像你姊姊,她刚出生时,我一出门就见到鸟在飞,所以他叫Bird-flying.这就是我们族人命名的方式.
父亲顿了一下,然後回过头说:\”对了,Dog-__ng,你刚刚问我什么问题?\“
英语笑话：These Are My Jeans
After going on a diet，a woman felt really good about herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago.
“Look，look.” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband.“I can wear my old jeans again.”
Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，but these are my jeans.”
那是我的裤子!
一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感觉特别好——特别是当她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔裤时。她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的裤子了。”她丈夫看了她好一会儿，然后说：“亲爱的，我爱你。但那是我的裤子。”
英语笑话：All I do is pay
\”My family is just like a nation,\“ Mr. Brown told his colleague. \”My wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary.\“
\”Sounds interesting, \“ his colleague replied. \”And what is your position?\“
\”I'm the people. All I do is pay.\“
我要做的一切就是付钱
布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子
是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”
“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢?”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”
篇3：英语笑话
To prevent our dog, Lacy, from pestering visitors to our house, my mother often massaged her as she lounged beneath the kitchen table, her favorite resting spot. One day a contractor came over to talk about a home-improvement project.
为避免我们的狗，莱希，纠缠来访的客人，我母亲常在爱犬喜欢呆的地方，即餐桌下面，摩昵它。一天，一个建筑商来谈居室装潢工程。
As he and my mother sat across the table discussing the renovations, my mother slipped off her shoes and mindlessly soothed Lacy with her feet.
在这人和我母亲坐在餐桌边谈居室的修茸时，我母亲滑脱了她的鞋子，开始不经意地用脚摩蹭起莱希来。
My mother had been talking for about a half-hour when to her great embarrassment she heard Lacy bark outside the front door.
谈话进行了半个小时的时候，我母亲突然感到很不好意思起来，因为这时她听到了莱希在前门外的犬吠声。
【注释】
(1) prevent (from)v.避免;阻止
(2) pester v.使苦恼;困扰
(3) massage v.按摩;揉捏
(4) lounge v.懒洋洋地坐着或站着
(5) contractor n.承包商
(6) improvement n.改进;改善
(7) renovation n.修复;修理
(8) slip off滑脱;掉
(9) mindlessly adv.不注意地
篇4：英语笑话
父亲在哪
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
\”Look,\“ said the elder brother. \”How nice these paintings are!\“
\”Yes,\“ said the younger, \”but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?\“
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, \”Obviously he was painting the pictures.\“兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”
哥哥想了一会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
两个猎人
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing.
The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help.
The operator said calmly:\”First, you should make sure that he is already dead.\“
Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:\”What should I do next?\“
两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。
另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。
接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办?”
不是我的错
It's not my fault
Mother (reprimanding训斥，谴责 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.
Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.不是我的错
妈妈(正教训她的女儿)：你不该拽猫的尾巴。
女儿：妈，我只是握着猫尾巴，它自己在拽。
篇5：笑话英语作文
one day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. the city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. the city man said to the farmer,\” i see that your pig likes apples, but isn\“t that quite a waste of time?\” the farmer replied,\“ what\”s time to a pig?\“
篇6：笑话英语作文
我教老师I Taught the Teacher
Mother asked her little boy:\”Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?\“
\”Nothing, Mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.\“
母亲问她年幼的儿子：“宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么?”
“儿子骄傲地说：什么都没教，妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。”
篇7：笑话英语作文
急诊Help! Doctor
\”Help! Doctor! Please come quickly! My ten-year-old son has just swallowed a pen!\“
\”Ok, I'll be right there. I'll be there in 10 to 20 minutes.\“
\”Good, but...what am I supposed to do in the meantime?\“
\”Just use another pen!\“
“医生，救命!请您快点儿到，我十岁的儿子刚刚吞掉了一支钢笔!”
“好，我十几分钟就到，”
“好的，那……这十几分钟我应该做什么呢?”
“换支笔用!”
篇8：笑话英语作文
谁在打架? Who was fighting?
Who was fighting?
谁在打架?
Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?
Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.
Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?
Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.
妈妈：弗雷迪，你的脸为什么那么红?
弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑，为的是阻止一次打架。
妈妈：你做的'对，谁和谁在打架。
雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。
篇9：笑话英语作文
其实学英语也能闹出很多笑话，那些笑话想起来连肚皮dou要笑破了！不过，你可千万不要在吃饭的时候读，否则你的书就被喷得满页都是饭。
有一次，老师要求我们说出一些常见的动物。比如：猫呀、狗呀。突然，我想到了老鼠（mouse），举手站起来就说“mouth”，老师一听，笑了起来。有同学问：“老师您为什么笑啊？”老师说， 我把老鼠说成了嘴巴，我一听，满脸通红。同学们都笑了起来，谁让它们发音这么接近呢。
还有一次，老师让我们用英文说一句话：我有一些香蕉，妈妈有一个西瓜。有一个同学站起来说：“I have some bananas，my murder has a watermelon。”用中文翻译是：“我有一些香蕉，我谋杀（妈妈）有一个西瓜。先是班级全体沉默，接着便是一阵哄堂大笑。
我们学英语的过程中还有许多有趣的事情，也让我们对英语产生了浓厚的兴趣。
篇10：短一点经典英语笑话
A: I have the perfect1 son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever2 come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
A：我有一个很完美的儿子。
B：他抽烟吗?
A：不抽。
B：他喝威士忌酒吗?
A：不喝。
B：他会不会很晚回家?
A：不会。
B：我想你确实有一个完美儿子。那他多大了?
A：下个星期三就满6个月了。
篇11：短一点经典英语笑话
A friend was trying to encourage his elderly mother to enjoy the money, she had accumulated through frugal living. \”Mother,\“ he said, \”you have enough money to last you until you're a hundred.\“
\”And then what'll I do?\“ she replied.
一位朋友试图劝他的老妈妈要享用钱，她通过节俭的生活攒下了钱。“妈妈，”他说，“你有足够的钱能让你用到一百岁。”
“到了一百岁又该怎么办?”她回答。
篇12：短一点经典英语笑话
After two weeks of Air Force basic training. I called home. \”You wouldn't believe how strict they are,\“ I complained. \”They even give demerits for things like not hanging your towel straight or nottightening the cap of your toothpaste properly.\“
\”Well, dear,\“ my mom responded, \”don't think of it as basic training. Think of it as Mother'srevenge.\“
经过两个星期的空军基础训练，我给家里打电话，“你不相信他们的要求是多么的严格，”我抱怨道，“他们甚至对事情提出过分的要求，像毛巾挂得不直或牙膏盖没拧紧。”
“好，亲爱的，”妈妈回道，“不要那样看待基础训练，把它看作是妈妈的报复吧。”
1.经典短笑话
2.超级经典短笑话
3.经典的短笑话
4.经典英语笑话
5.英语经典笑话
6.经典英语笑话汇集
7.英语的经典小笑话
8.经典笑话短句
9.短小的经典笑话
10.有趣短的经典笑话
篇13：短一点经典英语笑话
Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, What's the time, please?
After a few months, Dan said to himself, I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here. Then he did so.
Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time, he thought happily. But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, Is that clock right?
丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他:请问现在几点?
几个月后，丹想：我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。
现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。他高兴地想。可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹：这钟准吗?
篇14：英语幽默笑话
英语幽默笑话：男人和女人对待猫
Women love cats. Men say they love cats,
but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
女人喜欢猫。男人说他们也喜欢，
但当女人看不到时，男人踢猫。
英语幽默笑话：男人和女人浴室用品分析
A man has five items in his bathroom;a toothbrush,shaving cream,razor,a bar of soap,and a towsl from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
男人浴室里五件宝：牙刷，刮胡膏，剃须刀，一块肥皂，一块毛巾。
一般的女人浴室里平均有337样东西，其中的大多数，男人不知道那是干哈用的。
英语幽默笑话：男人和女人的消费观
A man will pay$2 for a$1 item he needs.
A woman will pay$1 for a$2 item that she doesn't need,but it's on sale.
用得着的东西，要是值1块钱却卖2块，男人也会买;
用不着的东西，要是值2块钱但只卖1块，女人也会买。
英语幽默笑话：Eating out外出就餐
When the bill arrives ,Mark, Chris ,Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20,even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get their bill , out come the pocket calculators.
买单的时候，阿麦，阿克、阿力和阿汤每人都甩出20块钱，虽然其实一共只吃了32块50没人有更小的票子了，也没人愿意承认他们其实想把票子破开。女人买单时，每人掏出个计算器。
单词&词组
wheel chair 轮椅
stroller 婴儿推车
make a pledgs 许诺，发誓
pack up 打包，收拾
travsling axpenses 差旅费
logic 逻辑，推理方法
splash 拍水，戏水
commotion 混乱，喧闹，骚动
bank 在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的¨银行¨之外，还有“河岸”的意思。
savings 储蓄
知道不知道
你一定没想到吧，其实现实生活中，大多数人每天说的话都有逻辑错误。逻辑有其自身的规律，不管使用什么概念和命题，进行何推理和论证，都必须遵守最基本的逻辑规律。否则，人们的思维就会出现错误。常见的逻辑错误有偷换概念、偷换论题、自相矛盾模棱两可、循环定义、同语反复、概念不当并列、因果倒置、循环论证、推不出等。当你和别人辩论时，可能总觉得说不过别人，其实并不一定是别人真的有理，而是他们采用了上述你没有觉察到的逻辑错误说话术，让你哑口无言，一时无法应答。比如：司马光夫人说：我要去看花灯。“司马光说.“家中这么多灯，何必去看”司马光夫人说：“我耍去看游人。”司马光说：“家中这么多人，何必出去看?”犯的就是偷换概念的逻辑错误。
英语幽默笑话：家庭的争吵A family quarrel
The young newly-weds quarrelad.At last she could bear it no longer and burst into tears.
一对年轻的新婚夫妇吵架了。最后妻子终于忍不住哭了起来。
“I don't want to have anything to do with you any more. l'm packing up my things and going off to mother.\”“Fine,my dear,said the husband.
“我不想跟你有任何瓜葛了。我要去收拾东西，离开这里回娘家去。”
”Here are the traveling expenses.\“She counted the money.“What about the money for the return ticket?”
“好，亲爱的，”丈夫说，“我给你路费。¨她数了数钱。”还有回来的路费呢。”
英语幽默笑话：谁要聋了？
1.幽默的英语笑话
2.英语幽默笑话
3.英语幽默的笑话
4.英语幽默笑话故事
5.最新英语幽默笑话
6.爆笑英语幽默笑话
7.简单的英语幽默笑话
8.儿童英语幽默短笑话
9.英语的幽默笑话有哪些
10.英语幽默笑话:谁要聋了
篇15：短篇英语笑话故事
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.
After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
\”Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.\“
Watson replied, \”I see millions and millions of stars.\“
\”What does that tell you?\“ Holmes asked,Watson pondered for a minute.
\”Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
\“What does it tell you?\” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
\“Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent!\”
篇16：短篇英语笑话故事
A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter. My dear, said the old lady, I wish you would do something for me. I wish you would promise me never to use two words. One is ‘lousy’ and the other is ‘swell’. Would you promise me that?
Why, sure, Granny, said the girl. What are the two words?
是哪两个词?
一个非常和蔼的老夫人有几句话要对她的孙女说。我亲爱的'，老夫人说，我希望你能帮我一个忙。我要你答应永远不要用两个词，一个是“讨厌的”，另一个是“极好的”。你能答应我吗?
噢，当然，奶奶。女孩说：是哪两个词?
篇17：短篇英语笑话故事
Returning from a golf outing(远足，短途旅行) , my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?
Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win, my husband hedged(避免作正面答复) . We just play to have fun.
Undaunted, Sare said, Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?
丈夫打完高尔夫球回来，我们四岁的女儿莎拉在门口迎了上去。爸爸，谁赢了高尔夫球比赛，是你还是理查叔叔?
我和理查叔叔打高尔夫球不是为赢，丈夫推诿说。我们打球只是为了好玩而已。
莎拉毫不气馁，又问：那么，爸爸，谁觉得更好玩呢?
篇18：短篇英语笑话故事
One day a ten-year-old child asked his mother, \“Mom, what is a synonym(同义词) ?\”
\“What? You even don't know what a synonym is? How foolish you are. When I describe you as foolish, I mean you're silly, stupid. Now you know what a synonym is ?\”
\“Yes, a synonym is using bad language.\” The child concluded.
篇19：短篇英语笑话故事
Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?
Tommy: Quarters.
Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?
Tommy: Hamburger.
老师：如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半，我能得到几块儿?
汤米：四块。
老师：那我要是再切两次，我能得到什么呢?
汤米：汉堡。
篇20：趣味英语：笑话
One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their nigh clothes. Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.
“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don’t think of money when they’re afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find.No one will be poorer because I took them.” “You don’t know my work，” said the other. “What is your work?” “I’m a policeman.
“Oh!” cried the first man. He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work?”“No，”said the policeman. “I’m a writer. I’m always telling stories about things that never happened.”
【译文】
你知道我是干什么的吗?
一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来。 两个人站在外面，看着大火。
“在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。” “你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个说。 “你是干什么的?”
“我是警察。”
“噢!”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的?”“不知道。”警察说。 “我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。”
趣味英语：笑话三则之 Who is the laziest
Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today .And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ?
Jack:I don`t know ,father.
Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word?
Jack:Our teacher ,father.
【译文】
谁是最懒惰的
爸爸：杰克，我今天已经和你的老师谈过了，现在我想问你，谁是你们班上最懒的人?
杰克：我不知道，爸爸
爸爸：你再好好想想，当别的同学都在读书写字的时候，谁楞在那儿仅仅是看着其他人?
杰克：是我们的老师，爸爸
篇21：趣味英语：笑话
Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics?”
Father(a veteran politician)：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one.”
Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?”
Father：“A convert，my son.”
【译文】
什么叫叛徒?
有希望的青年人：“父亲，什么叫政治叛徒?”
父亲(一位老资格的'政治家)：“叛徒指的是离开我们党而加入到另一个党的人。”
有希望的青年人：“那么，离开他的党而加入到我们党的人又叫什么呢?”
父亲：“叫改变信仰者。我的儿子。”
篇22：英语笑话三则
英语笑话：聪明与和平
Once God came up to me and granted me a wish.
I asked for world peace. That's impossible, he said.
Then I asked him to give me brains. He said, Let me try world peace.
有一次上帝来到我面前答应了我一个愿望。
我说我要世界和平。“那是不可能的”他说。
然后我请让我变聪明。他说：“你还是让我试试让世界和平吧。”
英语笑话：变相收费
Customer:Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee.It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of charge today.
Waiter:“Yeah,you can have a free coffee.But we will charge your money for the seat and the cup 。
顾客：“每天你都会收我喝咖啡的钱，要是今天咖啡免费呐就太完美了”
服务员：但是我们会向你收位子占用费和使用杯子的费用。”
英语笑话：生日 Birthday
Birthday
Professor: When is your birthday?
Kid: May 30.
Professor: Which year?
Kid: Every year.
生日
教授：你的生日是什么时候?
孩子：5月30日。
教授：哪一年?
孩子：每年都是。
篇23：经典英语冷笑话
1、A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. \“Now, children,\” said she , \“has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?\”
\“Please, teacher,\”said a small boy,\“I've make someone glad yesterday.\”
\“Well done. Who was that?\”
\“My granny.\”
\“Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad.\”
\“Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!\”
1、一个主日学校校(基督教教会为了向儿童灌输宗教思想, 在星期天开办的儿童班)的老师在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。“现在，孩子们，”她说：“你们当中有谁让别人高兴过？”
“我，老师，”一个小男孩说：“昨天我就使别人高兴过。”
“做得好，是谁呢？”
“我奶奶。”
“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。”
“是这样的，老师。我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她说：‘啊，我很高兴！’”
2、An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.
\“I've got good news and bad news,\” the owner replied.
\“Give me the good news first,\” the artist demanded.
\“The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.\”
\“That's wonderful!\” the artist exclaimed, \“What could the bad news possibly be?\”
With concern, the gallery owner replied, \“The gentleman in question was your doctor.\”
2、以为艺术家在一个画廊办了个展览，他问店主是否有人对他参展的画感兴趣。
“我有一个好消息和一个坏消息。”店主回答。
“先告诉我好消息。”画家要求道。
“好消息是一位绅士询问了你的作品，还问它是否会在你死后增。我告诉他会的，然后他买下了你所有的15幅画作。”
“那太棒了！”画家惊叹。“那么什么会是坏消息呢？”
店主想了想之后说：“问那个问题的是你的医生”。
3、\“Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English.\”
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, \“How much English can you speak?\”
The defendant looked up and said, \“Give me your wallet!\”
3、\“法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他只会说几个英语单词。\”
法官看了看被告，问道：\“你会说多少英文?\”
被告抬起头，说：\“把你的钱包给我!\”
4、Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. \“What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?\”
\“I gave it to a poor old woman,\” he answered.
\“You're a good boy,\” said the mother proudly. \“Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?\”
\“She is the one who sells the candy.\”
4、小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
5、 Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.
Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.
The third said, I baptized(洗礼) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!
5、三个南部的牧师在一家小餐馆里吃午饭。其中的一个说道：“你们知道吗，自从夏天来临，我的教堂的阁楼和顶楼就被蝙蝠骚扰，我用尽了一切办法----噪音、喷雾、猫----似乎什么都不能把它们赶走。”
另外一位说：“是啊，我也是。在我的钟楼和阁楼也有好几百只。我曾经请人把整个地方用烟熏消毒一遍，它们还是赶不走。”
第三个牧师说：“我为我那里的所有蝙蝠洗礼，让它们成为教会的一员......从此一只也没有再回来过。”
1.精选经典冷笑话
2.经典段子冷笑话
3.经典冷笑话精选
4.伤感经典冷笑话
5.校园经典冷笑话
6.经典名著冷笑话
7.经典冷笑话段子
8.经典小明冷笑话
9.经典冷笑话
10.经典的冷笑话
篇24：愚人节英语笑话
1. Why are people tired on April Fool's Day? (愚人节人们为什么疲倦?)
答：Because they have just had a long March. ( 因为他们刚过了长长的三月。March 三月;行军)
2.What weather do mice and rats fear? (老鼠害怕什么天气?)
答：When it's raining cats and dogs.(下大雨。rain cats and dogs 下大雨 )
3.When do dogs refuse to follow their masters? (狗什么时候不愿跟随主人?)
答：When their masters go to the flea market.(主人去跳蚤市场时。Flea 跳蚤 flea market 旧货市场 )
4.What question can never be answered by “yes”? (哪个问题永远不能回答“是的”?)
答：Are you asleep? (你睡着了吗)
5.What tree is always very sad? (哪种树总是很伤心?)
答：Weeping willow. ( 垂柳 weep哭泣 willow柳树)
6.When can you get water with a net? (什么时候可以用网兜装水?)
答：When water is turned into ice. (当水结成冰时)
7.Why is the pig always eating?猪为什么没完没了地吃?
答：He's making a hog of himself.它想成为一只肉猪。
8.What's the longest word in the world?世界上最长的单词是什么?
[愚人节英语笑话]
篇25：相关英语笑话脑筋急转弯
1. What room has no walls, no doors, no windows, and no floors?
A mushroom.(蘑菇)
2. What is smaller than an insect's mouth?
Anything it eats.
3. What large instrument do you carry in your ears?
Drums, that is eardrums.(鼓膜)
4. What's too much for one, just right for two, but nothing at all for three?
A secret.
5. What person tried to make you smile most of the time?
A photographer.
6. What animal has a head like a cat, eyes like a cat, a tail like a cat, but isn't a cat?
A kitten.(小猫)
7. What surprising things happen every 24 hours?
Day breaks, but doesn't fall; night falls, but doesn't break.
8. What can hear you without ears and can answer you without a mouth?
An echo.(回声)
9. What do you know about the kings of France?
They are all dead.
10. What question can you never answer 'yes“ to”
Are you asleep?
11. Why do some old people never use glasses?
They must prefer bottles to glasses.
12. Why is the person wearing two coats while painting the house?
Because the instructions on the paint can say “Put on two coats for best results.”
13. What two words have thousands of letters in them?
Post office.
14. What do workers do in a clock factory?
They make faces all day.
15. What 5-letter word has 6 left when you take 2 letters away?
Sixty.
篇26：相关英语笑话脑筋急转弯
16. When do you go as fast as a racing car?
When you are in it.
17. How many sides does a house have?
Two - inside and outside.
18. What never asks any questions but always gets answers?
A doorbell.
19. Where did Columbus stand when he discovered America?
On his feet.
20. When the boy fell into the water, what's the first thing he did?
He got wet first of all.
21. Who isn't your sister and isn't your brother, but is still a child of your mother and father?
I myself.
22. What has teeth but cannot eat?
A comb.
23. What kind of man can raise things without lifting them?
A farmer.
24. Why does time fly?
To get away from all the people who are trying to kill it.
25. Name five days of the week without saying: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.
The day before yesterday, yesterday, today, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow.
26. What animal eats and drinks with its tail?
All do. No animal takes off its tail when eating and drinking.
27. What has a soft bed but never sleeps, a big mouth but never speaks?
A river.
28. What kind of dog never bite?
A hot dog.
29. Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York Harbor?
Because it can't sit down.
30. What did one invisible man say to the other invisible man?
It's nice not to see you again.
篇27：相关英语笑话脑筋急转弯
31. What wears a cap but has no head?
A bottle.
32. What rises in the morning and waves all day?
A flag.
33. What is an astronomer?(天文学家)?
A night watchman with a college education.
34. How can you tell clocks and watches are shy?
Because they always have their hands in front of their faces.
35. What is wind?
Air in a hurry.
36. What comes after the letter “A”?
All the other letters.
37. What starts with a T, ends with a T, and is full of T?
Teapot.
38. What word can you make shorter by adding to it?
Short.
39. What person does every man take his hat off to?
A barber.
40. Why does the boy carry a ladder to the school?
Because he wants to go to high school.
41. What can you swallow that can also swallow you?
Water.
42. What's the difference between a hill and a pill?
A hill is hard to get up and a pill is hard to get down.
43. Why is it useless to send a letter to Washington?
Because he's dead.
44. A doctor and a lawyer loved the same girl. The lawyer went away for a week and gave the girl seven apples before he left. Why?
Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
45. What will you do if a man-eating tiger is running after you?
Nothing. Because I'm a woman.
46. What always travels on foot?
A shoe.
47. Where can happiness always be found?
In the dictionary.
48. What is higher without a head than with a head?
A pillow.(枕头)
49. Why don't you advertise for your lost dog?
He can't read.
50. On which side does a bird have the most feathers?
The outside.
第2篇：笑话英语作文
笑话英语作文
在日常生活或是工作学习中，许多人都写过作文吧，作文是一种言语活动，具有高度的综合性和创造性。相信很多朋友都对写作文感到非常苦恼吧，下面是小编整理的笑话英语作文，仅供参考，希望能够帮助到大家。
笑话英语作文1
我教老师I Taught the Teacher
Mother asked her little boy:“Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?”
“Nothing, Mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.”
母亲问她年幼的儿子：“宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么?”
“儿子骄傲地说：什么都没教，妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。”
笑话英语作文2
急诊Help! Doctor
“Help! Doctor! Please come quickly! My ten-year-old son has just swallowed a pen!”
“Ok, I'll be right there. I'll be there in 10 to 20 minutes.”
“Good, but...what am I supposed to do in the meantime?”
“Just use another pen!”
“医生，救命!请您快点儿到，我十岁的儿子刚刚吞掉了一支钢笔!”
“好，我十几分钟就到，”
“好的，那……这十几分钟我应该做什么呢?”
“换支笔用!”
笑话英语作文3
谁在打架? Who was fighting?
Who was fighting?
谁在打架?
Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?
Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.
Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?
Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.
妈妈：弗雷迪，你的'脸为什么那么红?
弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑，为的是阻止一次打架。
妈妈：你做的对，谁和谁在打架。
雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。
笑话英语作文4
其实学英语也能闹出很多笑话，那些笑话想起来连肚皮dou要笑破了！不过，你可千万不要在吃饭的时候读，否则你的书就被喷得满页都是饭。
有一次，老师要求我们说出一些常见的动物。比如：猫呀、狗呀。突然，我想到了老鼠（mouse），举手站起来就说“mouth”，老师一听，笑了起来。有同学问：“老师您为什么笑啊？”老师说， 我把老鼠说成了嘴巴，我一听，满脸通红。同学们都笑了起来，谁让它们发音这么接近呢。
还有一次，老师让我们用英文说一句话：我有一些香蕉，妈妈有一个西瓜。有一个同学站起来说：“I have some bananas，my murder has a watermelon。”用中文翻译是：“我有一些香蕉，我谋杀（妈妈）有一个西瓜。先是班级全体沉默，接着便是一阵哄堂大笑。
我们学英语的过程中还有许多有趣的事情，也让我们对英语产生了浓厚的兴趣。
第3篇：英语笑话
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.He gasps, “My friend is dead!What can I do?”.The operator says “Calm down.I can help.First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.Back on
第4篇：英语笑话
英语笑话
笑话一：A woman gets on a bus with her baby.The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”(某女士带着宝宝坐公交车。司机说
第5篇：英语笑话
1.A boy swore to a girl: 'Honey, do please marry me, otherwise I'll die'
The girl refused.Sixty years later, the boy died.一男生向一女生发誓：亲爱的，请你一定要嫁给我，不然我会死掉的女孩拒绝了。六十年后，那个男生死掉了。
2.Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost（路牌，路标）says, 'School--Go Slow' 老师：约翰，为什么你每天早上都迟到呢？
约翰：每次我走到街角的时候，都有一块
第6篇：英语笑话
英语外来词的不断壮大，逐渐成为汉语中的外来词中不可忽视的一部分，如日常生活中的沙发、扑克、模特、沙拉、维他命、卡通等，另外随着网络的深人人心，越来越多的网 络词语，像因特网、下载、菜鸟、黑客、博客等正在被越来越多的人们所接受
在生活中这样的词语比比皆是，例如，沙发(sofa)、模特(mode1)、基因(gene)、比基尼（bikini）、马拉松（Marathon）、高尔夫（golf）、沙龙（salon）、色拉（salad）、布丁（pudding）、三明治（sandwich）、汉堡包（hamburger）、比萨（pizza）、巧克力（chocolate）、柠檬（lemon）白兰地（brandy）、威士忌（whisky）雪茄（cigar）等。
需要在音译部分后附加一些能指明其类别和属性的成分，从而成为
第7篇：英语笑话作文(3篇)
英语笑话作文(3篇)
无论是身处学校还是步入社会，大家最不陌生的就是作文了吧，作文是通过文字来表达一个主题意义的记叙方法。如何写一篇有思想、有文采的作文呢？下面是小编为大家整理的英语笑话作文，欢迎阅读与收藏。
英语笑话作文1
there was a cave full of lots of vampire bats. once, a bat called andy came home late and there was of blood all over his body. all of his friends and family asked him where the blood came from, and asked him to take place. he didnt want to
第8篇：小学英语笑话作文
小学英语笑话作文
导语：以下是小编为大家收集的几篇小学英语笑话作文。供大家参考阅读。希望喜欢。
小学英语笑话范文【一】
A crowd of student was gathered on the campus of Oxford University. “You can have no doubt,” shouted a young man excitedly, “that if the Dean does not take back what he said to me this morning, I’ll leave Oxford this very evening!”
A buzzing noise followed. “What a man of actions!” one said in
