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从中美家庭教育的差异来分析中国家庭教育的现状
The analysis of the actuality of Chinese family education from the difference between Chinese and American family education
[摘要]家庭是人生的第一所学校，是学校教育的基础和重要补充。一般地说，人都出生和生活在一个家庭中，都是首先通过家庭这个最小的社会基层组织，再进入更广泛的社会生活领域的。因此，对每一个人的成长来说，家庭是第一所学校，父母是第一任教师。家庭对儿童身体的发育，知识的获得，能力的培养，品德的陶冶，个性的形成，都是至关重要的。中美两国在家庭教育上存在着显著的差异，如在家庭成员的相互关系上，我国家长大多处于统治地位，而美国家长更注重与孩子平等相处，他们是尊重自己子女的看法的；在育儿观上，中国家长大都希望孩子能出人头地，而美国家长更看重提高孩子的生存适应能力和创造能力；在教育方式上，中国家长喜欢包办替代，而美国家长更愿意让孩子自己动手实践，这些差异导致了两国儿童成人后在生存适应能力上的明显差距。从中美家庭教育的差异上可以看到我国在家庭教育上存在的不足。因此，正确认识并借鉴国外先进的教育方法，对促进孩子健康成长、提高未来人才的素质具有很重要的现实意义。
Abstract
Family is the first school of one’s life,which is also the basis and eential supplement of formal education.Generally speaking,family,as the smallest cell of society,is the first life step for everyone as we all were born and live in it,from which we enter a larger and wider field of social life.So as for everyone, family is the first school and parents are first teachers in it.Besides, family is closely linked to children’s body maturity, knowledge acquirement, ability cultivation, morality edification and character formation.And distinct differences can be found easily in family education between China and America, on the family member relationship, parents are dominant over children in China while equal in the USA, parents are more likely to show respect to children’s opinions.On the belief of raising children, Chinese parents are unexceptional to hope their children to be outstanding without regard to their own quality while American parents pay more attention to improving children’s ability to survive and creat based on their own interest.On the way of education, Chinese parents will monopolise almost children’s everything that should be done by children while American parents are more willing to let children do everything all by themselves.Because of those above cause a great disparity in adapting changing environment after they grow up.Thus making it with significant reality for children’s healthy growing up and improvement of future tatents’ quality by recognising and learning foreign advanced teaching methods correctly, especially from America.[关键词] 家庭教育；育儿观；教育方式；教育结果；传统教育；民主教育 ；现状
Key words: Family education,Belief of raising children,Ways of education,Result of education,Traditional education,Democratic education,Actuality 家庭教育指的是在家庭互动过程中父母对子女的成长发展所产生的教育影响，也是全社会各个教育环节中最重要的一环。中美两国由于在文化传统、观念意识、生活方式以及社会习俗等方面存在诸多不同之处，导致了两国在家庭教育方面也存在着很多差异，正确认识和了解两国之间的这种差异，对于促进我国当代家庭教育的良性发展有着十分重要的指导作用和现实意义。
Introduction
Education, to some extent, is not only a social activity to cultivate human beings, but also a main way to pa social culture and experience from generation to generation.Among all ways to educate, family education is the earliest and the most important one, which plays an eential role in the mode of thinking and
the formation of world outlook，which are closely related to children’s characters.Besides,there are many differences between China and the USA in family education, because of the root differences in culture tradition, idea and sense, lifestyle and social customs.Only by recognising and understanding the differences between the countries correctly, can we promote the positive development of family education with vital significance in direction and actuality.Recently a Chinese-American young man, Jimmy Lin, has prevailed in NBA.Maybe in your mind, the NBA belongs to the black and white, few yellow guys can be seen on that highest level of basket stage except Yao Ming and Yi Jianlian.But Yao Ming has retired last summer, which leaves us endle memory and pity.While Yi Jianlian doesn’t have much chance to show in Dallas Mavericks.Both of them have a superior height, which enables them a great advantage over others.But with a height of 1.91m, you may think it is hard to show in CBA, let alone NBA.But Jimmy Lin not only did it but also succeed.How can a obscure lad without so many body advantages just succeed? Besides, he is a Harvard graduate.Why can’t we bring up some people like that with the largest population in China? There must be something wrong with our education.In this eay, we will have a hot discuion on the iue and try to find out some poible reasons.中美家庭教育的差异
I Differences in family education between China and the USA
传统的中国式教育强调仁爱与服从，而美国家庭则注重公正和自由。中国家长通常喜欢“塑造”孩子，希望孩子按自己的意愿去发展。他们往往用自己的理性来干涉孩子们的自然发展，因此很大程度上剥夺了孩子自由选择的权利。美国家庭则更重视孩子们的自主权，让孩子学会在社会允许的条件下自己做决定，独立解决自己所遇到的各种问题。其差异大致可归纳为以下几点：
Traditional Chinese education emphasizes benevolence and obedience,while American family pays more attention to fairne and freedom.Chinese parents like to mold their children to meet parents’ unrealistic wishes.They usuallly interfere almost everything of their children based on their rational consideration,which
largely deprives the rights of their children to choose freely.On the contrary,American children are free to choose what they like,supposed to make a decision by themselves within permiion of social laws and solve any difficulties they encoutered in life independently thanks to their unique family education which emphasises more on children’s independence.As far as I know,the distinct differences can be summed up as below.一、两种不同的家庭成员关系
1.1 Two opposite family relationships 我国当代家庭教育受传统的家庭观念影响，家长总是意味着权威，作为统治者在家庭中处于核心地位。Chinese parents are authorities of the family all the time and paly a dominant role in the family which put parents in the core of the family because of deep influences of traditional believes of family education.孩子在父母眼里永远是长不大的，父母对孩子的教导可以持续到孩子长大以后许多年。Children will always be children in the eye of parents no matter how old he is,and the influences inherited from their parents will cast a shadow on their mind for decades of years.另外，在中国人的逻辑中有这么一条，即“长者恒为师”，在家庭中，年长者一定可以教育年幼者，这就在家庭内部形成一种人际关系的不平等，儿童也由此学会了对不同的人说不同的话，懂得了父母比朋友重要，长者是权威的象征。Besides,the older is always the teacher remains the unchanging rule and widespread logic in China which deeply rooted in the mind of Chinese people,thus caused an unequal relationship in the family,the older can educate the younger,but the younger can’t even though the older may be wrong,what’s more, they have to learn how to communicate with different family members and gradually recognise parents are more important than friends and the older is the symbol of authority.长期处于这种环境下，孩子慢慢习惯了在多重规则下生活。然而随着物质生活水平的提高和计划生育政策的执行，许多家庭走向另一个极端，让孩子在家庭中处于特殊地位并加以重点保护，孩子成了中心人。After living in this circumstance for a couple of years,children gradually get used to living in multi-rules.While with the improvement of conditions of social material life and implementation of one baby policy,many families go to another extreme with the children as the center of the family by putting them in a special position with intensely special protections.对孩子采取百依百顺的态度，好吃的让孩子独享，该让孩子做的却由父母包办代替了。他们过分满足孩子的任何需要，生活上过分优待孩子，经济上过多偏重孩子，这就造成家庭关系的另一种不平等。在我国，孩子在家庭生活中较少有发言权，参与权，中国父母对孩子的要求就是受规矩，服劝导。正如美国前总统尼克松说：“中国的教育制度从小把他们训练的十分驯服，从小灌输要听大人话的思想，不允许有独立见解，更不允许像爱因斯坦自称的“离经叛道”，这种教育方式只能培养出“守业型人才”，但却失去了中国的达尔文和爱因斯坦”。
Under this condition,parents are supposed to do anything instead of children themselves and indulge them whatever they want.What’s wrose,parents are submiive in attitude,pampering in life and generous in proket money so as to meet any poible desires of children.Thus cauesed an unequal relationship in family.What children need to do is obey all kinds of rules and submit to orders,they have little voice or participation in family activities.As the former American president Nixon says”Chinese children are educated to be submiive and uncreative,it’s almost impoible to find Darwin and Einstein in this country with the largest population in the world,let alone Nobel Prize owner”
而在美国家庭，家长更注重自由与平等的相处。从小就尊重孩子，重视给孩子的个人自主权，让孩子学会在社会允许的条件下自己做决定，独立解决自己所遇到的各种问题。他们把孩子当做一个独立的个体平等对待，给孩子应有的尊重和理解。While on the contrary,American parents emphasis freedom and equality with children,they allow children to make a desion under certain circumstance,encourage them to face tough difficulties bravely and respect what child choose.They treat children as an independent and equal individual more than a child
with deserved respect and understanding.孩子在家里有发言权、参与权，美国父母鼓励孩子“保留意见”、“固执”、“不听话”，允许孩子“不听话”主要是指思维上的“不听话”；美国孩子有选择权，美国父母在孩子的认知能力有了初步发展时，就很重视让孩子自己去进行选择，作出决定，他们可以选择音乐，图书，游戏，长大了自己选择朋友，自己选择职业、自己选择婚姻对象、结婚时间。美国父母不会代替孩子选择，他们主要是引导孩子怎样进行选择，或者站在孩子的身后，给孩子信心，鼓励孩子“用你的眼睛去观察”。美国父母如朋友，他们可以平等的交流，父母与子女的关系比较密切。所以，孩子有独立的时间和空间去自由的想像或进行创造性活动
Children are encouraged to speak out their own opinions and free to jion family activities.When disgreements arise,parents won’t force them to obey to reach a consensus,instead parents will guide them to reserve their opinions and accept their stubbornne and disobedience.American parents emphasis on developing the sense of independence of children at a very early age.That is why you can notice a small kid is like an adult, calling the names of friends and relatives, even parents directly, speaking out his own opinions loudly and take an active part in family discuion.They know that it is their busine to handle troubles rather than parents’.Parents also can not scold their children at their will.They leave those things to steel their children, which make kids more brave to venture, to present themselves and to do whatever they can.So children have more independent time and space to fly their own imaginations to creat something unique.二、两种不同的育儿观
1.2 Two different child-raising concepts 中国式家庭教育往往着眼于孩子将来是否有出息，能否找个好职业，能否在顺境中度过一生。基于这种期盼，很多家长认为，父母对孩子的责任就是让他们生活得更好，父母能给他们多少幸福就给他们多少幸福。若能给孩子创造最优越的生活条件，再苦再累也愿意。为此，父母在孩子成长过程中，除了生活上进行无微不至的照顾，还特别关心孩子的智商，为了能让孩子成龙成凤，除了学习，什么都不让孩子干。至于孩子的独立生活能力、对未来生活的适应能力，以及公民意识等却很少考虑，认为孩子只要成绩好，什么问题都能解决。
Chinese parents expect too much on their children’s study, they think the only way to succe is grades and the only standard to be succeful is entering into universities.In order to let their children perform well in study and be succeful, parents allow them to do nothing but study.After having finished homework, children have to do large numbers of exercise to consolidate what they have learned at school,which makes children very tired.The question asked most by parents is “How is your study at school?”, but they don’t notice children have beard huge preure, lost curiosity, receded confidence and developed no creatation.与此相比，美国家庭的育儿观有很大不同，他们的着眼点在于培养孩子具有适应各种环境和独立生存的能力。基于这种观念，他们十分重视孩子的自身锻炼。他们普遍认为孩子的成长必须依靠自身的力量。因此从小就注重培养锻炼他们的自立意识和独立生活能力。所谓锻炼是多方面的，诸如劳动锻炼、意志的锻炼等。但最根本的是适应各种艰苦环境和劳动能力的锻炼。通过劳动，让孩子从小养成独立自主的意识和热爱劳动的习惯。在劳动和艰苦的环境中去克服困难、磨炼意志、发展自身的能力特长，增长才智，并养成刻苦、节俭的好品质。在这种潜移默化的过程中，随着年龄的增长逐渐促其成为具有独立生存能力和社会责任感的公民。
On the contrary, American parents pay more attention to developing children’s potential ability such as labouring, willing, bearing and the spirit of hardworking
aimed at children’s adaption to various enviroments and independent ability to survive in competitive society rather than give them too much preure.In education, parents almost encourage what they have failed and praise whatever achievement they have, thus making children be full of confidence and independence during their growing up.Thus giving children a strong physique, quality of hardworking, excellent psychological qualities and ability to survive.Equipped with those qualities, they are more confident to face future and depend on their own ability and struggle in society instead of relying on others
三、两种不同的教育方式
1.3 Two distinct ways of education 由于育儿观上存在着根本差别，使两国在教育孩子的方式上也有很大的不同。中国方面大致体现在以下几点： Because of the fundamentally different concepts of child-raising,the ways of education vary too much between two countries.On the Chinese side,the main differences go as below.1.生活上的包办代替。中国家长尤其是独生子女的家长，在生活上对孩子的衣食住行包办代替，不让孩子沾家务活的边。这种包办横向涉及孩子的方方面面，纵向延伸到孩子长大成人。于是出现了小学生还要家长接送，中学生还要家长洗衣服，大学新生入学还要家长护送。!.31 Monopolization of children’s affairs in life.Chinese parents,especially those from one baby family,are more likely to monopolize children’s affairs in life range from clothes,food,shelter,transportation to chores,which involves in everything related to children from childhood to adult,thus caused an amazing phenomenon that parents have to pick-up children in their primary school years,wash children’s clothes during middle school years and escort them to universities even though they are old enough to do those things all by themselves.What’s worse, improper extending parents’responsibility make parents substitute their children to make basic daily plans, specify learning ranges and decide the future directions that all are children’s own choice, which make our kids can do nothing but study knowledges, more likely to depend on others and lack sense of independence.2.社交上的过度保护。不少家长怕孩子吃亏或学坏，于是限制孩子与外界的接触，一旦孩子与小朋友或同学之间发生争执或不愉快的事情，多数家长采取袒护自己孩子而指责其他孩子的办法。1.32 Over protection in social activities Because of parents’ fears of their children’s poiblities to suffer lose or be evil,they intend to restrict children from getting in touch with out world.When a dispute or something unpleasant arises between two children or clamates,parents are sure to protect their own children and blame others rather than blame themselves even though their children have done something wrong.3.经济上的放任。不少家长对孩子的要求百依百顺，有求必应，连经济拮据的家庭，家长也要勒紧裤带省下钱来满足孩子的需求。不少小学生都拥有手机、数码相机、MP3等高档消费品，这无形中助长了他们奢华浪费的习惯。1.33 Indulgence in money Traditonal Chinese gentleman cares little about money and fame, which has deeply impacted Chinese parents’ ideas of managing money matters.In China, it is parents’ busine to earn money to support family and manage money, it has nothing to do with children.They just ask parents for money whenever they need.They only can do those things when they are married.Chinese parents always volunteer to provide money to meet children’s desire, indulge them to spend money immoderately without any
limits even though they have to live an uptight life.Subconsciously children formed a bad habit of wasting luxurily.4.学习上的过于严厉。与生活、经济、社交上的纵容相比，家长对孩子的学习却要求很高，甚至达到一种苛刻的程度。古往今来，应试教育一直深深桎梏着中国家长们的思想，导致家长们把孩子的学习成绩与能否考取高等学府视为孩子成材的惟一标准。当孩子出生后就以天才的标准来要求、教育孩子。平时，孩子在做完老师布置的作业后又让孩子再做一套同步练习题，以求巩固。弄得孩子精疲力尽，一旦孩子辜负了他们的期望，那只能通过打骂这一招来解“恨铁不成钢”之怒。1.34 Severe striction with studying
Compared with indulgence in life,money and social activities,studying has been expected much too high by parents for their children almost to a extreme level,which sometimes is beyond their abilities.From ancient to modern times,examination-oriented education system has deeply rooted in and restricted the mind of Chinese parents.The only standard of children’s succe is whether he could get good grades and enter a key university.When he was born,he would be treated as a genius to be educated and raised regardle of his own tatent and quality.After claes,he has to spend much of his playtime to do the exercise which the teacher has aigned to consolidate again and again,which exhausts every student.Once they can’t live up to parents’s high expections,what they will get is scolding rather than encouragement,by which parents can vent their disappointment and anger.而美国家长从锻炼孩子独立生活能力的角度出发，对孩子的教养采取放手而不放任的方法进行。
While in order to help children obtain the ability to survive in this competitive society,American parents give lots of chance for their kods to learn independence but never indulge them.所谓放手，就是从孩子生下来，父母就设法给他们自我锻炼的机会和条件，让他们在各种环境中得到充分锻炼。普通做法是根据不同的年龄让孩子做自我服务性的劳动。如一个美国家庭中有三个孩子，他们在家中都有各自的角色，10岁的男孩周末负责帮父亲割草，浇花，打扫庭院，12岁的女孩能根据不同的食品配方烘烤出各种各样美味的点心，8岁的小女孩会编织五颜六色的茶杯垫等等。至于美国的中小学生兼报童的例子，更是不胜枚举。据美国报纸推销站联合会统计，全美国约有50万送报童。稍大一些的中学生打工也是寻常现象，而且都得到家长的支持。Once a child is born,parents will try their best to provide various opportunities for their children to train up in various conditions rather than arrange everything ready for them.Let’s take a 3 children family for example.every child will have his role in the family.10-year-old boy is in charge of mowing,watering flowers and house cleaning in weekends.12-year-old girl can cook various dishes based on different materials.8-year-old girl is able to knit colorful cup cushions for family use.Besides,there are more than 0.5 million paperboys acro America estimated by America Newspaper Sale Union.What a amazing number.It’s common for elder middle
school students to have a part-time job which is strongly supported by parents.所谓不放任，一般反映在三个方面：第一，宁苦而不娇。家长特别注重培养孩子的吃苦精神。欧美的儿童少年，从小就从事送报，打工等劳动，这本身就是一种吃苦精神的磨练。寒冷的冬天，当中国的同龄孩子可能还在热被窝里熟睡时，他们早已起来挨家挨户去送报纸了。这对娇惯子女的中国家长是难以接受的，甚至可能认为这是“残忍”的。
But they seldom indulge their children.In order to develop children’s spirit of facing toughne,parents will help children to face toughne bravely rather than pamper them and letting them do nothing.You may find an Aerican paperboy is sending newspapers home by home in the early morning of the chilly and snowy winter,while at this time in China,most children are dreaming in their warm beds.Chinese parents will think it unacceptable and cruel for their children to do what American peers do.第二，家富而不奢。美国的家庭平均收入比中国多几十倍，但他们对孩子的零用钱都有严格的限制和要求。而且零用钱绝不作为鼓励孩子的手段，目的是教育孩子懂得，他们努力学习完全是为了自己将来成为有用之才。据调查发现，美国54%的青少年学生没有零用钱，而且年龄越大越不可能拿到零用钱。The second great difference lies in pocket money.As we all know, average American families are more than 10 times better off than average Chinese families.Almost every American family owns a car, which is many Chinese’s dream.Though they are much richer but they don’t give much pocket money to their children as we do.Instead, with too much rules and striction, pocket money will never be a means of encouragement.It is said that 54% of American teenagers have no pocket money.Besides, the older they are, the harder to get pocket money.What they do above is to teach children the importance of studying and hard working.第三，严教而不袒。西方人对孩子的缺点错误绝不听之任之，更不袒护，而是设法教孩子自己知错改错。此外，美国家长大都对孩子的学习不施加太多压力。他们的观点是：孩子对感兴趣的知识自然会努力去学，为什么要强制他们去做本不愿做的事情呢? 强拗着去做，反而会伤害孩子的感情与个性。人的兴趣、爱好和才能本来就各不相同，孩子适合做什么就做什么，人生道路要让孩子自己去走。成功的家庭教育，应该是家长拿出时间跟孩子以平等的态度进行沟通、交流，对孩子正确的想法和行为给予充分肯定，让孩子在尊重和鼓励中成长。The third feature is strict education with no shield of fault or mistake.If any fault or mistake arises, western parents will point them out immediately with no shield and try to teach their children find the way out all by themselves.Besides, most American parents don’t put too much preure on children’s study.In their opinion, children will learn what interests them.Since interest is the best teacher, why shall we force them to learn something with no interest for them? If parents insist on doing so, it will not only hurt children’s feeling but also character.Everyone was born with different interests, hobbies and intelligence, what’s suitable for them, only god knows, and they will find out all by themselves.What all succeful families share are communicating with children equally, confirming children’s right deeds and unique ideas and providing a respecting and encouraging environment for them.由此可见，民主的教育方式表现为一种宽松教育，优点很多：首先，有利于创新精神的培养。宽松是激发孩子创造力的重要条件，在高压下孩子的创造精神将受到压抑，只有在平和、愉悦的家庭氛围中才能激发孩子对知识的兴趣。而创造宽松的环境，必须与孩子建立民主平等的关系。其次，有利于健康人格的培养。孩子在家有发言权、参与权、选择权以后，主动性强、自主意识强、胆子大、有自信心和责任心。另外，亲情关系和睦使孩子愿意把秘密告诉父母，父母也理解孩子的情感世界，这能使孩子形成良好的性格。而专制的教育方式表现为一种管束教育，压抑创造性，束缚了个性的发展。So as you can see above, democratic education brings freedom and creativity with so many advantages.First of all, it’s good for creativity.Freedom is the source of creativity.New things can’t be invented under great preure.New ideas can’t be thought with forbiddance.Salves can never be a creator but a labor.Only in peaceful and relaxing family atmosphere can interest and creativity be inspired.While peaceful and relaxing family atmosphere must be established on basis of equality between children and parents.Secondly, it’s good to cultivate healthy dignity.If a child gets his voice heard in the family decision，gets more involvement in family affairs and gets more chance to choose, he is sure to be brave, independent, self-conscious, confident and responsible.Besides, closer relationship between parents and children makes children more willing to tell their secrets to parents, and parents can know more about children’s inner world, which can help children form a good character.Arbitrary education constraints creativity and independence, which makes children obedient and more likely like a frog in the well.种不同的教育结果
2.4 Two different results of family education
由于育儿观和教育方法的不同，其教育结果也表现出明显不同。美国孩子从小就表现出很强的独立生活能力，这体现在： Different child-raising concepts and ways bring obvious difference.American children have shown impreive independence at a very early age listed as below.（1）性格倾向积极，遇事镇定沉着，能与人和谐相处，开朗、胆大，有克服困难的毅力，敢想、敢做，具有创新精神。a Outgoing in character, calm in emergency and harmony in social relationship, those are American character easy to find.(2)具有很强的自立能力。绝大多数18岁以上的孩子，都靠自己挣钱来读书。有的人把钱赚够了才进学校读书，也有人一边打工、一边读书，或读读停停，花十几年时间拿个博士学位。孩子们认为，长这么大还伸手向父母要钱很不光彩，会被人家瞧不起,让人觉得无能。所以必须工作，才能做到经济上独立。b Strong independence If you are 18-year-old and still supported by your parents, you will feel common in China but shame in America.Most Americans are self-supported.They make money to cover all their expense, from food to tuition, from clothes to rent, almost everything.In the daytime, he maybe your deskmate, but at night he maybe a waiter you meet by accident in a restaurant.Study while working is common for them.Sometimes they have to suspend their study to earn money, which makes get a PhD degree takes several decades.If you are still supported by your parents in your twenties, you are surely to be looked down upon by others.The real independence is finance independence.(3)具有适应市场经济的头脑。美国不少家庭的孩子，从小就参与当家理财，通过亲身体验使他们深知金钱来之不易，从而养成精打细算、勤俭度日的好习惯。c In western countries, especially the USA, managing money is an eential aspect of family education, which has been paid too much attention.Western parents seldom give money to children irregularly and planlely, they regularly provide a fixed fund instead.Besides, they help children build a correct sense of managing money matters, form a healthy habit of money and develop basic qualities of money.What’s more, they teach direct children to make a budget and learn to spend money properly.They also encourage children to do part-time jobs and earn money by his own working, teach them to save instead of squandering and help them learn to donate to help others.When facing money, children are supposed to be honest and dignified.To practice thrift is a virtue.Grasping the opportunities to manage money and invest correctly and ready to severe other people.(4)具有适应社会环境的本领。由于从小的艰苦磨炼，美国的孩子不怕苦，有克服困难的毅力，遇事镇定沉着，能与周围人们和谐相处，有作为社会成员而独立存在的信心和勇气。
d Strong adaptation to society
Though average American families are much richer than average Chinese family, but they don’t pamper their children as we do.Because of one-baby policy, many Chinese parents will cover all the chores, let alone adapting society.Chinese children almost live like a king or queen even though his family maybe relatively poor.But things are quite different in the USA.American children have to practice in society at a very young age, They have to deliver milk in the early morning or send newspapers home by home to earn their pocket money.By doing all kinds of things within their ability, they become well-trained in society.No matter how tough the situation is, they will face directly and independently, which in return gives them confidence and courage to be a social member.与此相反，中国的儿童、青少年乃至大学生，虽然学业成绩上不亚于西方，但普遍表现出独立生活能力差，缺乏自主意识，依赖性强，做事被动胆怯，缺乏对环境的适应和应变能力；不懂得人际交往的技巧，人际关系差；怕苦怕累，只要求别人照顾，却缺乏同情心和帮助别人的能力；在家不懂得尊敬自己的长辈，在外缺乏社会责任感。中国孩子的这些个性和特点，恐怕是与我国倾向于“学历教育”有很大关联，父母希望孩子躲在学校这座象牙塔里寒窗苦读，不让孩子在风云变幻的社会里摸爬滚打。
We are proud of our performance in study with the highest grades among the international students, but poor performance in practical ability.Lack of independence can be widely found among Chinese students, from pupils to teenagers, even undergraduates.对中国家庭教育现状的分析Analysis of the actuality of Chinese family education
从中美两国家庭教育的比较，可以看出两国家庭教育中存在着个别的特殊性。那么，现代社会更能接纳哪一种教育呢？社会发展的动因是人的能动性、创造性，要求人性的充分解放。伴随人类文明的进步，人类将越来越关怀人性的发展，人的各方面能力的发展，所以现代社会需要的是有活力的、全面的人。显然，美国家庭教育更能培养个性张扬、有创造力、生存力的“人”，而中国家庭教育培养的是“守规矩”、“会读书”的所谓的“才”。这是中国家庭与学校“合作”进行“应试教育”的结果，这教育的结果将严重影响我国青少年的身心素质。那么，美国的家庭教育有哪些优点呢？与美国的家庭教育相比，中国的家庭教育存在着哪些不足？当今中国家庭教育的现状有哪些呢？ From the family education comparision between China and America, you will find both means of education is quite different with individualities, but which one is more suitable for modern competitive society? As we all know, the motivation for the development of society is creativity and freedom, which need humanity to be relatively unbinding.With the development of human civilization, we pay more attention to humanity and ability.What the society needs are humans with energy and creativity.Obviously, you can see those who with characteristic, creativity and survivability are more likely to appear in American family, that why America shares
the largest number of Nobel prize holders, while disciplined, bookish and obedient children are more likely to appear in Chinese family, which is mainly caused by exam-oriented education, which not only damages the mental and physical health of our children, but also the entire quality.So what are the advantages of American education? What are our weakne compare with American education? What are the realities of Chinese present education? Let us find out below.美国家庭教育的特点：
3.1 Characteristics of American family education 一 注重培养平等意识
3.11 Cultivation of equal consciousne 这一点可以说是美国家庭教育的一个突出的特点，因而美国的孩子独立生活能力相当强。让孩子自由选择也不是说父母就无所作为，父母可以引导，可以帮助分析，但最终的选择权在孩子手里。Cultivation of equal consciousne is the most outstanding and impreive point of American family education, which makes American children show great adaptation in independent life.Parents play a role as a guide or adviser in children’s decision.It’s up children to choose and responsible for what they choose.This education method is admired by many Chinese parents.We might as well try another new way from blank rather than walk on the road which others have walked.In fact, the most succeful parents are still not so sure about the unique right way for their children to succe.They choose the relatively right way for children just from what they have experienced.But they forget that children are the real inventor of his fate, he need to walk all by himself.在美国的家庭，就是大人跟孩子谈话时也永远是蹲下来同孩子在同一个高度，同孩子脸对脸、目光对视着，体现了家长对孩子的尊重，让孩子意识到自己同成年人一样是平等的，有利于培养孩子自尊、自信的人格。
It is quite common to find a child just call his mother’s or father’s name directly instead of mom or dad in American family, which is unacceptable for our Chinese because of the tradition “the young must show respect to the old”.While in America, the belief “all men are created equal” has deeply rooted in everyone’s mind.When parents have a conversation with children, they are always in the same height, face to face and eye to eye, which not only show parents respect children, but also positively good for the formation of children’s esteem and confidence.Parents are not a authority any more but a friend.Western parents emphasis on developing the sense of independence of children at a very early age.That is why you can notice a small kid is like an adult, calling the names of friends and relatives, even parents directly, speaking out his own opinions loudly and take an active part in family discuion.They know that it is their busine to handle troubles rather than parents’.Parents also can not scold their children at their will.They leave those things to steel their children, which make kids braver to venture, to present themselves and to do whatever they can.Thus giving children a strong physique, quality of hardworking, excellent psychological qualities and ability to survive.Equipped with those qualities, they are more confident to face future and depend on their own ability and
struggle in society instead of relying on others.美国人在日常生活中充分提供孩子参加和表现的机会，无论结果怎么样，总是给予认可和赞许。在这样宽松的环境里成长起来的孩子开朗活泼、勇于创新、充满自信
Besides, parents provide a large stage for children to show off, they can take part in whatever interests them.When children’s show time coming, parents will try their best to attend no matter how they are and no matter what the result is, parents will always be the first one to praise encourage and confirm.Only in this free and encouraging environment can outgoing brave creative and confident children be brought up.二 注重培养动手能力
3.12 Developing the habit of hardworking 在美国，父母从孩提起就为孩子创造一种环境和条件，对孩子进行早期劳动训练，让孩子做力所能及的事情，使孩子拥有一双勤劳的手。
In America, parents provide a environment for children from a very early age.They teach children to do all things within their ability, which enables children equip with hardworking hands.For example, 小孩子具有好动的天性，比如在墙壁上乱画，用嘴咬玩具，拿剪刀或刀子在书本、衣服等物品上乱剪乱划，在我国大人定会坚决制止。而在美国父母们看了会笑嘻嘻的，高兴于孩子学会了某种技能，而不是痛惜某件东西被孩子损坏了，然后耐心地告诉孩子一些操作的技巧和知识。
hyperactivity is the nature of all kids, which is an eential way to explore the world.Because they know little about the world and they may do something wrong, like painting on the wall, snapping toys, cutting clothes books and so on.When catching a sight of this, Chinese parents will be annoyed and stop it at once, while American parents will be happy for what ability children have learned and guide them patiently with correct skills and knowledge.Chinese children will be timid after scolding, while American children will be brave after guiding.美国父母认为劳动能给孩子带来很多好处，比如：劳动可以培养孩子的独立性；劳动能促进手脑并用，促进智力发育；劳动能促进身体健康、增强体质；劳动能促进良好的个性品质的形成。
What’s more, the idea of child-raising in American families entirely different from ours.They are far-sighted to impart their children the abilities of independence and adaption to various environments.Based on the idea, they pay much attention to developing children’s own ability.Children’s growing up must rely on their own ability, so parents emphasize on training children’s consciousne of independence and ability to live on his own at a very young age.Also the training is various such as labor and will training which fundamentally aim to let their kids adapt all kinds of tough environments and develop the ability to work.By laboring works, can children form a good habit of thinking independently and loving work at a very early age.Only through this, can they learn how to overcome difficulties, steel will and be industrious and thrifty in laboring and tough environment.As they grow older, they are more likely to be independent and responsible citizens by their unique education.While Chinese family education always aims at children’s prospect, future career and life.Based on those expectations, a large number of parents believe that it is their responsibility to give as much as they can to let their children live a happy and decent life no matter how difficult it may be, they are willing to try their best without any complains.Thus making a strange phenomenon for westerners to understand.Almost all Chinese parents want their children to be succeful without regards to their talents and ability.They spend almost
everything they can afford including time money and energy to provide the best environment for their children to be outstanding in grades.Children are kings and queens, what they are only supposed to do is study, chores are not their busine.What’s worse, parents care little about children’s independence, adaption to future life and the consciousne of citizen.They falsely believe that excellent grade performance can solve everything.三 注重培养独立能力 3.13 Independence training
在美国，绝大多数１８岁以上的青少年，都是靠自己挣钱来读书，因此，美国社会上的一个清洁工，一个跑堂的，也可能是正在接受高等教育的一分子。
In America, thanks to unique child-raising way, most teenagers, who are more than 18 years old, are supported by themselves to finish their higher education.From that time, they are not more than kids but citizens.He has the right to vote.A cleaner or a milk guy maybe a undergraduate from Yale or Harvard.四 注重培养创造能力 3.14 Fostering creation 美国人没有让孩子们去死记硬背大量的公式和定理，而是煞费苦心地告诉孩子们应怎样去思考问题，教给孩子们面对陌生领域寻找答案的方法。他们也从不用考试把孩子分为三六九等，而是竭尽全力去肯定孩子们的一切努力，去赞扬孩子们自己思考的一切结论，去保护和激励孩子们所有的创造欲望和尝试。他们认为对人的创造能力来说，有两个东西比死记硬背更重要：一个是他要知道到哪里去寻找所需要的；再一个是他综合使用这些知识进行新的创造的能力。
There is a great difference between China and tne USA in Education Idea, once an American married a Chinese lady, he sighed with feeling “Once I thought Chinese children are smarter than American children, until now do I understand that it is their duty to force their children to study and it is their responsibility to bring up the best children in studying, they are unwilling to let their children play through the whore summer holiday.While American parents think it is their duty to let children enjoy his childhood like playing sports, making friends, go sightseeing and do what they really like.American parents never help their children tutor their homework and leons.They think it is the duty of teachers’ to tutor them rather than parents.They won’t give children the right answer if children make a mistake, instead they will guide children to reconsider it.It is human nature to make mistakes.Without mistakes, how can they make progre? Besides, parents care so much about children’s confidence that they never discourage them.Continual praising instead of laughing at them how foolish they are.If children spend weekend on study instead of playing, that will not be encouraged.Among Chinese parents, children’s good performance in grades will be the honor of parents.While in the USA, they don’t talk too much about children”s performance in grades, which is regarded as family busine that has nothing to with others.They never separate the clever guys and the foolish guys only on the basis of grades.One’s performance in grades will not be a standard of one’s intelligence.在美国，孩子从小睡小床，稍大后单独一间，从没听说过孩子与父母睡在一起。在孩子日常事务的处理上，父母只帮助孩子做一些在当时年龄上还无法做到的事情，凡是孩子自己力所能及的事都尽量由孩子自己去完成，自小培养孩子对自己负责任的潜意识。美国人认为孩子应该自立，很早就培养孩子生活自理能力。
In the USA, it is almost impoible to hear that child sleep with parents, even though the child is just born, he still has a small bed, when he grows up, he will own his own room.On dealing with children’s daily affairs, parents only help to do those things beyond their ability, leaving the rest things which are within their ability to
be done by themselves.Subconsciously, children form the habit of independence and take responsibility for what they have done.当今中国家庭教育的现状Current situation of Chinese family education
一、悲观的思维方式造成急功近利的心态
4.1 Mental attitude of quick succe and instant benefits caused by negative thinking pattern
从如今的等级观念根深蒂固。个体的精神状态取决于权威的决定，使个体的心理总是处于脆弱状态，心态容易失衡，重新总看到孩子的缺点，对孩子不满意；只要孩子学习好，其它无所谓；盲目攀比造成心理失落，失落导致恨铁不成钢，家长的心态变了，孩子的自信也失去了。
Nowadays in China, the cla belief has prevailed in everyone’s mind.Individual mental status is largely impacted by authorities, which makes the individual mind fragile.Because everyone wants to succeed as fast as they can, parents always find fault and put some unrealistic expectations on children, which always let parents down.Parents lose confidence in children and children lose confidence in themselves.二、重养轻教，重物质轻精神
4.2 Too much importance attached to raising and material, little to education and mental
说中国的家长不爱孩子，没人会服气。因为中国父母在养孩子上花的心血，力气，脑筋，可以称得上是天下第一流。特别是当代独生子女的父母们，更是拼命地在养孩子上搞攀比。你让孩子喝娃哈哈，我给孩子喝太阳神，有的甚至给十来岁的孩子吃什么鳖精！穿着方面，有的家长也傻乎乎地比着让孩子穿名牌，穿上千元的名牌衬衣，几千元的名牌皮外套。有的孩子到了十五六岁，还把衬衣甚至脏袜子都扔给父母洗，不少家长还乐此不疲，觉得那是爱孩子。但仅有爱是不够的，还要懂孩子，懂孩子的前提是了解孩子，重视孩子的内心世界。
现在不少父母关注的焦点仅限于孩子的衣食住行，父母很少关注孩子内心，忽视孩子的精神需求，导致孩子容易出现问题和品德问题。
溺爱造成孩子个性缺陷。剥夺了孩子对人生的正常体验，孩子失去了生存能力；过重的精神压力，过重的精神负担，全部理想和希望都寄托在他一个人身上，希望孩子能有所作为，孩子的压力比以往任何时候都沉重；不许失败，限制情绪的宣泄，造成孩子的情感失调节，只许进不许出，成绩稍有波动家长就紧张万分，仿佛天要塌下来似的，这种要求本身就是不合理，缺乏科学性。
From the compare between China and the US can we find apparent distinctions in family education.Those distinctions of family education whether in the way or ideas can result in great disparity in surviving to adapt various situations between Chinese and American children when they grow up, from which we can see our weakne in family education clearly.Besides, there are some latent rules deeply rooted in the mind of Chinese parents and us, even though we can’t speak them out in detail, but when children’s words and deeds don’t match the latent rules, parents are surely to interfere to different extents.Thus making children be tied to numberous rules.What’s worse, they have to live in the way their parents have directed under the numberous latent rules.But as parents, they never
consider whether their ideas are right, is it suitable to ask children to do that, leave alone what aftermath it may cause.As a result, because of the false ideas, improper contents and totally wrong ways of family education in millions of families and in the mind of millions of thousands of Chinese parents, they often feel disappointed and distreed about their children.In modern China, family education is not only a hot iue but also a tough problem.In many families, how to educate children properly has become the main point of family contradiction and conflicts between family members.Because of those ideas deeply rooted in parent’s mind, large numbers of families have fell into the wrong region of education, which has twisted the characters and minds of younger generation, caused many problems and tortured the heart of both parents and children.It has become such a difficult iue that severely influence normal family life, the health growing up of younger generation and a main unstable factor of family and society, which can be concluded into 2 points as below.4.21 Over pampering and exceive protection have restrained children from developing independent characters.In China, large numbers of parents pamper and protect their children so deep that is hard for foreigners to imagine.I have witneed too much examples.A child who lives in my neighborhood and has graduated from university requires his parents to pick him up only by car everytime when he goes to work or returns home.Another example, a child of my relatives originates in Shaoxing, Zhejiang Province has his higher education in Hangzhou.He has never taken a bus during his 4 collage years and forgotten which he has taken to go home.Everytime when he wants to go home, just a phone call to his parents no matter how busy they are, they will come to pick him up.Still more people at the age of supporting a family can’t cook a meal.Raising a child is their duty to conceive and give birth, the rest is their parents’ duty to raise.I have been thinking that if one day parents are too old to do that or gone, what should we do? When can we learn how to rely on ourselves? 4.22 Too much restrain, interference and punishment on children tire both parents and children.Once a baby is born, his future has been arranged by his parents which leaves few options for him to choose.Parents will interfere almost everything from what kind of kindergartens, primary schools, middle schools, hobby claes, craming schools to colleges to attend and jobs to do, leaving children few choice to choose from, letting alone creation.While that is the reality of Chinese family education.We might as well try another new way from blank rather than walk on the road which others have walked.In fact, the most succeful parents are still not so sure about the unique right way for their children to succe.They choose the relatively right way for children just from what they have experienced.But they foreget that children are the real inventor of his fate, he need to walk all by himself.三、把孩子当作私有财产
4.3 Regard children as private poeions
把孩子作为发泄对象，是教育无能的表现，使孩子胆怯、懦弱、不敢进取。原因有家长自身的童年轻历，社会压力、缺乏教育方法、自卑性；中国家长爱孩子，更爱面子，成功家长拿孩子作为自己炫耀的资本，满足虚荣心，给自己挣面子，失败家长则不宽容孩子，强烈的补偿心理会使他们把孩子当成生命的最后赌注。
Chinese parents are just over kind to interfere almost every affair of children, very detailed interference from what kind of friends they should make to when should they go to bed, from where to play to how to use chopsticks, really inclusive but sometimes children will never buy.Parents just treat children as their private poeion with all considerations on their basis rather than children’s, which directly lead the nature of children has been killed without being noticed.If children fail parents’ expectations, the discouraged parents will put their anger on children, which is almost worst part of Chinese education and makes brave children timid.The original reason is the parents’ childhood still casts a shadow on their inner mind and short of right ways to educate.They love their children but they love to save face more.Succeful parents always like to show off how well their children’s study is before public to fit their vanity, while unsucceful parents will be discouraged by children’s bad study performance.If parents are not so succeful, they deeply hope their children to be succeful.But if parents are succeful, they deeply hope their children to be more succeful.四、缺乏学习，缺乏家庭教育的氛围
4.4 Devoid of educational and studying atmosphere in family
观念方法过于陈旧简单，家长不注意学习教育知识和教育方法，不注意借签他人经验，教育后果一定不佳，用打骂的方式对待孩子，孩子要么自我，要么充满暴力倾向，家庭教育气氛紧张，少有温情，缺乏正确的教育方式，也是家长缺乏学习的结果，欲速而不达，事与愿违，家长望子成龙心态下的贪婪，导致急功近利，采取违反生命成长规律的教育，对孩子进行拔苗助长，“不行”；缺乏表达，家长与孩子交流，更多的是非语言的，家长的言谈举止，思想观念，行为习惯无不在言教之中，无形影响，构成对孩子最直接最深刻的教育。
In China, a child beaten to cry can be seen or heard quite common on the street.The paer-by may think it’s their child not ours and it is none of my busine to interfere.While the parents hold the theory that it is my child and what I do to him has nothing to do with you.But in America, it is against the law to use family violence on children or parents treat children badly, they may be deprived of the right custody.In America, a child not only belongs to a family but also to the all nation.The outdated teaching method in China can’t match the development of society.We shall update and learn some advanced methods to fit China society.The terminal reason of all the tragedies in Chinese education is we expect too much on children, which are usually beyond children’s ability.If Chinese parents just keep a usual mind, live their own life with more consideration on themselves rather than child.Besides, more communication not only in words but also in deed are in need.Remember that education, to some extent, is not only a social activity to cultivate human beings, but also a main way to pa social culture and experience from generation to generation.Among all ways to educate, family education is the earliest and the most important
one, which plays an eential role in the mode of thinking and the formation of world outlook，which are closely related to children’s characters.As the saying goes “Parents are best teachers of their children”.结语 5 Conclusion 综上不难看出，不同的家庭成员关系、育儿观和教育方法产生了两种截然不同的教育结果，孰优孰劣非常清楚。要提高未来我国在国际上的竞争力，关键在于提高人才的质量和素质，这就必须从家庭教育做起。因为家庭教育是整个学校教育(包括学前教育)和社会教育的基础，它是学校教育和社会教育无法取代的。我国的家庭教育受几千年封建传统的影响，无论从家长的价值观、育儿观看，还是从家庭教育内容、方式和方法看，儒家思想影响至深。然而随着中国的改革开放，社会结构的变化，家庭教育中某些传统观念、手段及方法已无法适应当代中国的家庭教育。因此我们应该在弘扬中华民族几千年灿烂文明的辉煌结晶的同时，也吸取西方国家的民主、开放的家庭教育观。自觉转变家庭教育中的落后观念，扩展家庭教育的领域，丰富家庭教育的内容，改善教育的手段、途径和方法，熔铸古今，汇通中西，我们才能造就出非凡的下一代。
There is a great difference between China and western countries in family education, both have its advantages and disadvantages.When promoting and developing Chinese civilizations which are not only a history of thousands of years but also a colorfully splendid crystal of Chinese intelligence, we also should reject the dro and aimilate the eence of western civilization such as the democratic and open ideas of family education.Having compared the differences between China and western countries in family education, we seem to have found a way out for those Chinese parents who are eager for a succeful future of their offspring.Learning each other's good points for common progre and marching forward together to succeed in the future increasingly competitive society.Family education is the most important part that should be paid as much attention as poible.主要参考文献：Main reference:
1，王道俊，王汉澜：《教育学》，人民教育出版社。2, 魏书生：《好父母，好家教》，漓江出版社。3，卢勤：《好父母，好孩子》，漓江出版社。
4，张怀承：《中国的家庭与伦理》，中国人民大学出版社。5，王华夏：《父亲教育与诺贝尔天才》，中国妇女出版社。
6，卢勤：《告诉孩子，你真棒》，长江文艺出版社。7，桑逢杰：《影响一生的家庭教育规划Lu Qin “Good Parents, Better Children” People Education Pre 2 Lu Qin “Tell Children, You are Great” Lijiang River Pre 3 Sang Fengjie “The lifelong impact of family education plan” 4 Wang Daojun Wang Hanlan “Education” People Education Pre 5 Wang Huaxia “ Father and Nobel” Chinese Women Pre 6 Wei Shusheng “Good parents, Good education” Lijiang River Pre 7 Zhang Huaicheng “ Chinese family and ethics” Renmin University Pre
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