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荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本
旁白(Aside a crazy countrytrying to show)/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was , in this crazy country there were some crazy people, the crazy history
swordsman
by crazy ways.Mr Jingke
and was sent
he failed.was the most famous to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.（从前，有个疯狂的国家，在这个疯狂的国家里诞生了很多疯狂的人们，竭力用疯狂的方式去上演疯狂的历史。荆轲先生是出了名的剑客被派送去刺杀秦王，“Yingzheng”。但是最后他失败了。你想知道在那个时候究竟发生了什么吗？那么，接下来的表演将会为你揭幕！）Action I(情节1)
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!（面对观众）
I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractivejealous
man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?
（镜子、镜子、告诉我，谁是这个世界上最漂亮的男人？【是你，太子丹！】 谢谢你，镜子。我就是太子丹，魔镜说我是世界上最具魅力的男人，但是Ying Zheng是个爱妒忌的人，我觉得如果魔镜告诉了他真相他会杀了我。我好害怕。我该怎么办？我的大臣在哪儿。。？）阿三(毕恭毕敬): Honey, I am coming.（亲爱的，我来了。）
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、gracefulcute、smart、handsome、charming、and dearest Prince Dan”!（我再三地警告你，你应该称我为“我最漂亮的、最优雅的、最帅气的、最具魅力的、最可爱的、最聪明的、最亲爱的太子丹！”）阿三：Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero
to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）（遵命，亲爱的！我有个好主意，我们可以找一个英雄去杀死Ying Zheng）
太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity
in this century
? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状）Good idea!But who is the right candidate
?（耶！是啊！在这个世纪什么是最具价值的？人才！太棒了！但是谁才是合适的候选人呢？）
阿三：I have two promising
persons on hand.One is Mi LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.（在幕后，我手头上有两个非常有潜质的人。一个是李莫愁小姐，一个是荆轲先生。明天他们将pk谁将成为世界上第一流的杀手。）太子：Well, show me the winner（好，最快让我知晓胜出者。）阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲:Are you Li mochou?（你是你莫愁？）李莫愁:Yes.荆轲:OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.（我是荆轲，你知道否？我将让你见识到我就是杀手国度中的老大！）李莫愁:Are you challengingDo you want a piece of me ？
荆轲：Of course!耸耸肩表示同意（当然！）李莫愁：Come on!（来吧！）音乐起 两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。” 李莫愁倒地 荆轲大笑
me?（你在挑战我吗？）as soon as poible, OK?李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?（怎么会这样？你怎么安然无恙？）荆轲: We don't need any reason
to win a person.Don't we? Do we?（赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolatesgonna, Mochou.You never know what you're get.” I got it, Momma is right.（妈妈总是说：“人生就是一盒巧克力糖，莫愁，你永远都不知道你将会得到什么。” 我懂！妈妈是对的。）荆轲再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?（你好吗？）
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?（挺好，谢谢，你呢？）太子丹：Oh my God!Could you give me a different answer to “How are you”?（噢！天哪！你就不能对“你好吗”给个创新点的回答吗？）
荆柯：Sure!（可以）
太子丹：How are you?（你好吗？）
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?（好，谢谢，你老婆好吗？）太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!（嗨！伙计，我开玩笑罢了！）太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?（我也是开玩笑的，能让我看下你的名片吗？）荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.（生还是死，这是个问题！）阿三：Hero，we need your help.（英雄，我们需要你的帮助。）荆柯：I am busy now!（我现在没空。）
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.(你将会得到一大笔钱的。)荆柯：I am very busy now!（我现在很忙！）阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?（智能卡、身份证、智商卡？）荆柯：I am very very busy now!（我现在特别忙！！）
阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.（看！她是世界上最美的女孩。如果你点头，她就是你的。）
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy
and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!（我不得不说他是很性感很漂亮，但TCM才是我唯一的“菜”！）
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?（什么？什么是TCM？）荆柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.（嗨！家伙！你看起来挺聪明怎么连TCM都不晓得呢？他们当中的任何人都可以给你这个答案。）
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?（打扰！什么是TCM？）观众甲：TCM-Traditional 国美眉！）
Chinese MM.（传统的中太子丹：I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimmingproduct
tea.It is a brand new of Unilever China.（我必须给你看下将牌！女士们先生们，这是利普顿瘦身茶。这是中国的一种全新的产品。）荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens
to leave me if I couldn’t lose my weight.（减肥茶!我都梦想了千万遍。我老婆总是威胁我如果我不减肥她就离开我。）
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although
your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……（你要吗？你要就大声说！你为什么保持沉默？你为什么看着我？虽然你的眼里充满了诚意，我很高兴，但你还是得必须大声说出来！确定？！你真的喜欢?真的？）
（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）荆柯(诚恳状)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.（只要告诉我我到底该怎么做？我会为你做一切。）太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already 雄，我们已经到了Yishui河了。）荆珂：Just stop here, please.Farewell此罢别，再见，我的朋友。）
太子丹：I will mi you, baby.（宝贝，我会想你的。）
（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.（亲爱的，我爱你！）妻子：I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）（我爱你！对我来说你比这整个世界的一切都更重要。）
荆珂(流泪)：I love you more.In spite of the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)（我更爱你。尽管这个可笑迂腐的的世界天崩地裂，我依然爱你！）
妻子：Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.（恩，像个男人，放手去做！我会在此一直等你！）, my friends（请就
reached Yishui River.（英荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart!You must do me this honor
...promise
me
you
will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what
...promise me now, happens...no matter how hopeleand never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.（心肝宝贝儿！你必须帮我这个忙，答应我你会好好活着。。永远都不要放弃。。不管发生什么。。不管多么的绝忚。。答应我，永远不要忘了那个誓言。。）妻子:“I promise.”（我答应你）
荆轲:“Never let go.“（永远不要轻毁诺言。）
妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go."（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never…… Never……（这个时候死不错，永远不要回来，永远。。永远。。）妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life aurance transfer
$1000, 000, I will
.half of it, $500,000 to your account（非常感谢你。只要我能得到1百万人生保险，我将转一半到你的账户。）
阿三：Okay okay!（好！好！）旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally
killed by Yingzheng.（那时荆轲已被派遣到秦国，最后被Yingzheng杀害！）
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