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每个挑战都是成功的机会
Andy Samberg哈佛大学搞笑毕业演讲：（双语）kira86 于2013-03-29发布
美国大学的毕业演讲大都是些成功人士给毕业生人生建议的机会。2012年哈佛大学的Cla Day请来喜剧明星Andy Samberg演讲。他采取了别样的套路。他认为自己不配给哈佛毕业生建议。于是讲了一堆的笑话，你可能从中很难看到励志的东西，但是他还是想说：每个挑战都是成功的机会。
So, without further ado, our 2012 cla day guest speaker Andy Samberg.那么，不再多啰嗦了，欢迎我们2012毕业班的客座讲者Andy Samberg。
Wait!Sorry, sorry!Sorry!Stop the music.Sorry!What happened there? That song is just so emotional…I just met that guy!Alright, I’m just…have to compose myself.The show must go on here.等等！对不起，对不起！对不起！关掉音乐。抱歉！刚刚发生了什么事啊？那首歌真是太动人了…我才刚认识那家伙耶！好吧，我只是…必须静下心来。演讲还是要继续下去。
Students, faculty, parents, grandparents, uncles that weren’t invited but showed up anyway, handsome young janitors who are secretly math geniuses, and the homele guy from With Honors.学生、教职员、家长们、祖父母们、那些没被邀请却还是出现的叔叔伯伯们、那些私底下是数学天才的帅气年轻清洁工(电影《心灵捕手》中的Matt Damon)，还有With Honors(《乞丐博士》)里的流浪汉。
My name is Andy Samberg, and I am as honored to be here as I am unqualified.There’s a storied history of incredible Cla Day speakers here at Harvard: Nobel Prize laureate Mother Teresa, former U.S.President Bill Clinton and now me, the fake-rap, wiener-songs guy.I’m also just over the moon to be receiving an honorary degree here today.I mean…never in my wildest dreams, did I…What’s that? No Degree? So what…I’m just like…I’m just like a profeor or…oh, Nothing? Then why am I here? Dean Hammonds!我是Andy Samberg，非常荣幸来到这里，但同时我也觉得我不够格。在哈佛这里，有个关于那些惊人的毕业日讲者著名的历史：诺贝尔奖得主特里萨修女、美国前总统比尔．柯林顿，而现在是我，假冒饶舌歌手、唱香肠歌曲(批注1)的家伙。今天要在这里领取荣誉学位我也感到欣喜若狂。我的意思是…在我最荒唐的梦里也从未出现过，我会…你说啥？没有学位？所以啥…我只是像个…我只是像个教授或是…噢，什么都不是？那我为什么在这啊？Hammonds院长！
Yes? 是？
You lied to me!Uh, alright, I’ll just…get this crappy speech done.You know I…I flew my folks in.Here we go.Cla of 2012, you are graduating from college.That means this is the first day of the last day of your life…No, that’s wrong.This is the last day, of the first day, of school…No!That’s worse!Ugh, this is a day.你骗我！噢，好吧，我只好…做完这场讨人厌的演讲。你知道我…我把我的老乡们都给带来了(参加毕业典礼)。我们开始吧。2012的毕业班，你们将要从大学毕业。也就是说这是你们生命最后一天的第一天…不，这样说不对。这是第一天上学的最后一天…不对！这样更糟糕！呃，这是一天。
You know, I too, turned to Websters Dictionary, and ah…it defined Harvard as: The season for gathering crops.Admittedly, that’s actually the definition of Harvest, but it was the closest word I could find to Harvard that wasn’t a proper noun.And in the end, isn’t that what Harvard is really about though? Planting the seeds of knowledge that eventually produce crops(a.k.a.money), in order to satisfy the farmers(your parents), who pay like 45,000 crops a year to send you to Harvest, just so you could major in women’s agriculture.You see what I’m doing.你知道，我也是，会求助于韦氏辞典，而啊…它将Harvard(哈佛)定义为：收成农作物的季节。我承认，它其实是Harvest的字义，但那是我所可以找到最接近Harvard而不是专有名词的字了。但最终，这岂不就是Harvard真正的意义吗？种植知识的种子，而最后会产出农作物(又叫作钱)，为了要满足那些农夫们(你的家长们)，他们每年付大约45,000个庄稼(实际上是45,000美金)让你来Harvest(收割，双关：送你来Harvard)，好让你可以主修于女性农业(把妹)。你懂我的意思。
Before we move on, the world outside of Harvard has asked me to make a quick announcement.The following majors are apparently usele as of tomorrow: 在我们继续之前，哈佛外的世界请我做个迅速的公告。以下几个科系很显然地从明天开始是毫无用处的：
History, Literature, all things related to Art, Social Studies, East Asian studies, pretty much anything that ends with “Studies”,Ugh…Romance Languages, and finally Folklore and Mythology? 历史学、文学、所有与艺术、社会研究、东亚研究有关的学问、几乎任何以「研究」结尾的、哦…罗马语文学，还有最后是民俗神话学？
Come on, guys!Just study something useful and play World of Warcraft in your free time, okay? Anyhow, all those majors…now usele, unle you can somehow turn them into an iPhone App.Uh, Math and Science majors, you guys are cool, ya.Finally!拜托，大家！念点有用的东西，在你有空时玩玩魔兽世界，好吗？不管如何，那些科系全部…现在都没用了，除非你可以不知怎的把它们变成iPhone的应用程序。啊，数学和自然科学系，你们没事，对的。终于！
But 2012 is a great time to be graduating from College.Sure, the job market is a little slow.Sure, our healthcare and social security systems are gonna evaporate in five years.Sure, you’ll have to work till you’re eighty to support your one-hundred-and-ten-year-old parents who will live forever because of nanotechnology.Sure, the concept of love will soon disappear, leaving us all lonely robots, ready to kill our best friends for a lukewarm cup of microchip soup.但是2012年是一个从大学毕业的大好时机。当然，工作市场有点不景气。当然，我们的健保与社会安全系统在五年内就要消失。当然，你将必须要工作到八十岁来奉养你那因为奈米科技而将得到永生的一百一十岁父母。当然，爱的概念将会很快地消失，留下我们全部这些孤单的机器人，准备好为了那杯微温的微芯片汤要杀掉我们最要好的朋友们。
But that doesn’t matter, because tomorrow, you graduate from harvest… Havard… from Harvard.It’s where you will graduate.但那不要紧，因为明天，你们要从Harvest…Harvard…从哈佛毕业。那就是你们即将要毕业的地方。
Now, I’m sure a lot of you are looking up here and thinking: what makes this guy so special? You know, what has he accomplished? He didn’t even go to Harvard!
现在，我很确定你们很多人正望向这边并想着：是什么让这家伙如此特别？你知道，他有什么成就？他甚至没有读哈佛！
Well to you, I say this: “I didn’t even apply to Harvard, ok? Because I knew I wouldn’t get in!”
那么，我会对你们说：「我甚至没有申请哈佛，好吗？因为我知道我不会上！」
Boom, suck on that.I don’t accept you, esteemed college!I break up first!I move on, and you see me with my hot new girlfriend.She’s riding shotgun in my convertible Sebring.That’s right.It’s the one that Harvard was always begging me to rent.We went up the coast, and I’m just laughing and looking really fit, like, “Has he been hitting the gym?” “Nope.Just eating right and making positive choices.”
哗，吃我这招吧！我才不录取你，名校！我先不要你的！我走出情伤，然后你看到我和我火辣的新女友。她正坐在我的Sebring敞篷车(克赖斯勒系列跑车)前座。没错。就是那辆Harvard总是苦苦哀求我要租借的车。我们开上海边，而我只是笑着而且看起来很强壮的样子，像是：「他最近是不是有上健身房？」「没有。只是正确饮食还有做正面的选择。」
Man, I really wanted that honorary degree!Well, I gue the old saying is true: “Never trust Dean Hammonds!” Regardle, Harvard remains iconic in our culture.One thing that sticks out of my mind is the central role this campus played in one of the most important films ever made about social connections and how we communicate.天啊，我真的很想要那个荣誉学位！嗯，我想那句俗话是对的：「绝对不要相信Hammonds院长！」无论如何，哈佛在我们文化里仍是具有指标性意义的。一件从我脑海浮现出来的事情，是这个校园在有史以来，关于社会关系和如何沟通的电影中的一部里所扮演的重要角色。
I’m referring of course to 1986 whimsical blackface romp “Soul Man”, starring C.Thomas Howell as a white student posing as an African-American in order to exploit affirmative action.He was in Harvard Law in that movie, and that movie exists.我指的当然是1986年异想天开扮演黑人的卖座电影《Soul Man》，由C.Thomas Howell饰演一个白人学生，为了滥用平权法案假扮成非裔美国人。他在那部电影里就读哈佛法律系，而那部电影真的存在。
Now most of you don’t know this yet, but Harvard is one of the few schools you can attend that can also eventually become your workplace nickname.现在你们大部分还不知道这个，但是哈佛是少数几个你可以就读、而最后也会变成你的工作场合绰号的学校之一。
“Whose edamame is this in the break room?” “Probably Harvard’s.”
“Whose Vespa is in my parking spot?” “Ugh, I am going with Harvard’s!” 「休息室里的毛豆是谁的？」「可能是那哈佛小子的。」 「谁的Vespa(伟士牌机车)停在我的车位？」「呃，我认为是哈佛小子的！」
In fact, once you graduate, you can never wear your Harvard sweatshirt in public again without looking like a world-cla a-hole.事实上，一旦你毕业，你再也不能在公共场合穿你的哈佛运动衫而不被当成一个世界级的大浑蛋。
I honestly think The Coop should sell University of Michigan T-shirts that you can wear just to blend in once you’re out of here.And to clarify, when I say “The Coop”, I mean your campus bookstore, and not famous film actor Bradley Cooper, whom I also referred to as The Coop, and who also sells books and sweatshirts in his free time.我真心觉得The Coop(哈佛和麻省理工旗下的连锁书店)应该卖密西根大学的T恤，一当你离开这里，就可以穿上融入大家。澄清一下，当我说The Coop，我是指你们的校园书店，而不是鼎鼎大名的影星Bradley Cooper，我也会称他为The Coop，而且他也会在空闲时间卖书跟运动衫。
Speaking of fame, Harvard has many famous alumni: Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, just a few ex-students that started succeful businees after dropping out, which means if you are in this crowd today and graduating, you’re destined to be a maive failure.讲到名气，哈佛有很多出名的校友：祖克柏(facebook创办人)、比尔盖兹，就是几个在辍学后开创成功事业的前任学生们，意思就是说，如果你今天在这人群里、即将毕业，你就注定要成为一个大失败。
Sorry, those are just the facts.Also a fact: Cla Day is a terrible name for a day when you don’t have to go to cla…like ever again.It’s much like calling New Year’s Eve sobriety night.对不起，但这就是事实。另一个事实：Cla Day对于一个…再也不用去上课的日子来说是很烂的名字。这很像把跨年夜称作为清醒夜(不碰酒跟毒品之夜)一样。
“Hey, you going out for sobriety night?” “Yeah, it’s gonna suck.”
「嘿，你要去过清醒夜(注：把疯狂的跨年夜叫作清醒夜，以讽刺把毕业日叫做Cla Day)？」「要啊，一定会很逊。」
And now on a more literary note, I’d like to read a poem by the great W.B.Yeats, which is actually pronounced “Yeets”.A lot of people don’t know that.Thanks for the heads up, Barney Frank.Anyways, this is a truly beautiful and poignant paage from the 1929 collection The Winding Stair and Other Poems.And I think it’s especially applicable to today’s ceremonies.It goes like this: 现在用比较文艺气息的口气，我想要念一首由伟大的W.B.Yeats(诗人叶慈)所写的诗，那事实上是发「Yeets」的音。很多人不知道。谢谢你的提醒，Barney Frank。总之，这是摘自1929年《The Winding Stair and Other Poems》系列非常优美且辛辣的一段诗。而我觉得它特别适用于今天的典礼。它这样写的：
This is how we do it.This is how we do it.It’s Friday night, and I feel alright.Hit the shore, cause I’m faded.Honeys in the street say, “Monty, yo, we made it!”
我们就是这么做的。我们就是这么做的。这是星期五的夜晚，而我感到好极了。到海边去吧，因为我很High。街上的甜心们说：「Monty(原唱者昵称)，好啊，我们成功了！」(注：这并非叶慈的诗，而是Montell Jordon的畅销歌曲This is how we do it)
There’s more, but you get it…claic Yeats.An important poet.还有更多，但是你们懂的…经典的叶慈。一位重要的诗人。
Now, while I am truly excited to be here today, I’ll be honest.At thirty-three years of age, I haven’t endured or lived that much more than you guys.So in order to give you a broader scope of what’s to come, I reached out and asked for some words of wisdom from some people that I thought were relevant to your experience here.现在，虽然我今天真的非常兴奋来到这里，但我要诚实。在三十三岁的年纪，我并没有比你们遭遇过或经历过多多少。所以为了给你们对未来更广阔的眼界，我向一些我认为与你们经验相关的人求援，并请教了一些智慧的箴言。
Ugh…the aforementioned Mark Zuckerberg, who as a Harvard student was kind enough to send me some remarks that I will relate to you now.呃…先前提到的祖克柏，身为一位哈佛的学生，非常好心地传给我一些话，现在就讲给你们听。
Uh, hey guys, it’s me, Mark, or, as my friend Kofi Annan calls me, Zuckleberry Finn.Ah-ho-ho-ho.He thought of that.I just wanted to give a quick congrats to you all, but really, more of a congrats to me.You know, since I left, things have gone so good, you guys…like a six-year-olds’ fantasy of the future good.呃，嗨大家，是我，马克，或是像我朋友Kofi Annan(前任联合国秘书长)叫我的Zuckleberry Finn(批注2)。哇-哈-哈-哈-哈。亏他想得到。我只是想要很快地恭喜你们大家，但事实上，更恭喜我自己。你知道，自从我离开，一切都变得很好，告诉你们…就像个六岁小孩对未来的幻想一样美好。
Ugh…in fact, I recently completed the Harvard trifecta.Start your own company, have a movie made about you and marry an Asian doctor.Trifecta!呃…事实上，我最近完成了哈佛三连胜。创立你自己的公司、拍一部关于你自己的电影、还有娶一位亚洲医师。三连胜！
So everyone out there, be sure to upgrade to Timeline, and lay off the Pinocchio’s Pizza.Ah-ha-ha!Ah-ha-ha!I went to Harvard!That’s what he had to say.所以在座各位，一定要去升级成动态时报，然后标记下Pinocchio’s Pizza(哈佛附近一家餐厅)。哇-哈-哈！哇-哈-哈！我念过哈佛！那就是他要说的。
Ugh… I also, as for, you know, the local experience, I asked Maachusetts’ native Mark Wahlberg to send over some thoughts for you guys.And ugh, here is what he had to say.呃…我也，至于，你知道的，本地经验，我请麻州当地人Mark Wahlberg(熊麻吉男主角)传来一些给你们大家的话。而呃，这是他想说的。
Hey Harvard, how’s it going? So you guys are graduating, huh? I think that’s great!Hey, we should do a film together.What do you think? You guys are super smart, right? I used a prosthetic penis on Boogie Nights.Okay, just think about it.Say hi to your mother for me, okay? 嗨哈佛，你们好吗？所以你们要毕业了，嗯？我觉得那很棒啊！嘿，我们应该一起拍一部片。你们觉得如何？你们超级聪明，对吧？我在《不羁夜》里用了假的阳具。好吧，就好好想想。代我向你母亲问好，好吗？
He asked me to say that to you guys.And then finally, I asked block…blockbuster superstar Nick Cage for some remarks.Now, I realized he didn’t go to Harvard, and he’s not from Boston.But he has a special connection to this place that I’ll let him explain.他叫我转告你们那些话。而最后，我请…影视巨星尼可拉斯．凯吉讲些话。我了解他没有上过哈佛，他也不是波士顿人。但是他和这个地方有个特殊的因缘，我会让他解释。
Here’s what he wrote: Good afternoon.As I write to you I am currently digging a tunnel into the bowels of the Widener Library.When I finally breach its mighty walls, I will steal the legendary Gutenberg Bible and return it to its rightful owner, Steve Guttenberg.他这么写道：午安。在写给你们的同时，我正在挖一条隧道进入Widener图书馆(哈佛校内图书馆)的内部深处。当我终于突破它高大的墙壁，我会偷走那传说中的古腾堡圣经，然后还给他的合法所有人Steve Guttenberg(美国演员，姓氏音译同古腾堡)。
You know, I’ve seen some weird stuff in my day.In Istanbul, I saw a small child swallow a pelican whole.In the Sahara desert I saw a herd of oxen fly into a portal and disappear from our world forever.But no matter what I’ve seen, there’s been one thing I’ve held to be true.Love is the most powerful force this universe has to offer.And we should show kindne to all around us…with the exception of Dean Hammonds, who is a filthy liar!你知道，我年轻的时候曾遇过一些怪异的东西。在伊斯坦堡，我看见一个小孩吞下一整只鹈鹕鸟。在撒哈拉沙漠，我看到一群公牛飞进一个入口然后永远从我们的世界消失。但不管我看到甚么，有一件事我一直深信不疑。爱是这宇宙所给予最强大的力量。而我们应该对所有我们周遭的人表示善意…除了Hammonds院长，他是个龌龊的骗子！
And that my friends, is the true meaning of Hanukkah.I’d love to keep writing.But now the time has come for me to ride on to my next adventure.“What’s that?” you ask.Simple.I’m gonna have sex with the statue of John Harvard.而我的朋友们，那就是光明节的真正意涵。我很乐意继续写下去。但现在是我继续我下一趟冒险的时候了。「要去做什么？」你问。很简单，我要跟John Harvard(哈佛之父)的雕像乱搞。
And those are my three impreions.Thank you!You guys…Late night television…led me straight here.而那些，就是我的三段模仿。谢谢！你们大家…深夜电视节目…导致我讲到这里来。
Now we’ve been paying a lot of attention to the students here today, but I wanna take a moment and acknowledge all the parents.In particular, I wanna give a shout-out to all the moms in the house.Give it up.Absolutely.Absolutely.今天我们一直把注意力放在这里的学生上，但是我想花点时间感谢所有家长们。尤其是，我想要向在场的所有妈妈们致谢。鼓掌吧。一定要的。一定要的。
Your moms…our moms put up with so much, and they ask for so little.And as I look out at all the beautiful mothers here today, I can’t help but be filled with an overwhelming sense of hornine.你们的妈妈…我们的妈妈忍受了这么多，要求的却这么少。而当我今天在此望向所有美丽的母亲们，我不禁充满了档不住的欲火。
Oh yes, you are a fine crop indeed.And I’d like to meet some older ladies.They know how to do stuff, if you know what I mean.So to all the moms: open invitation.Nobody gets to know about it.Now before all you dads out there get upset…I mean no res…no disrespect, really, and…you’ve got to be something special if you’ve got such fine ladies on your arms.喔耶，你们真是个好庄稼。我想要认识些熟女。她们知道怎么办好事情，如果你知道我指的是什么。所以，给所有的妈妈们：随时欢迎大驾光临。没有人会知道。现在，在你们所有在座的爸爸们生气前…我没有任何敬…不敬的意思，真的，而且…如果有这么优秀的女士们在你们的臂弯里，你们一定有些特别之处。
In fact, as I look out at all these strong loyal men, I can’t help but be filled with an overwhelming sense…of hornine.Oh yes.I see a lot of silver foxes out there today.And Harvard ain’t cheap!Where my sugar daddy’s at? Yeah, I see you.You don’t have to raise your hand.Open invitation, gentlemen.Nobody gets to know.事实上，当我看着这些强壮的忠诚男性们，我不禁充满了挡不住的…欲火。喔是的。我今天看到好多魅力银发熟男。而且哈佛可不便宜！我的凯子干爹呢？耶，我看到你了。你不必举手。随时欢迎大驾光临，男士们。没有人会知道。
And now I’d like to get a little serious.As you move forward in the world, there will be obstacles, but every challenge is a chance for succe.而现在我想要严肃一点。当你们在这世界上向前迈进时，将会有很多的阻碍，但每个挑战都是成功的机会。
You know what, I am sorry, I had a whole inspirational section of this prepared, but it just feels phony now, so…I’m gonna scrap these scripted words and just speak to you guys from the heart.你知道吗，抱歉，我原本准备好了一整段发人深省的讲稿，但现在却感觉假惺惺的，所以…我要撕掉这些稿子，然后发自内心跟你们说。
Yeah, this stuff is much more from the heart.Look, the things I am about to say to you aren’t to make any friends.And they are not for some cheap applause, okay.It’s real talk, and it comes from my soul, so listen up.是的，这东西更多是发自内心的。听好，我即将要跟你们说的事情并不是要来交任何朋友的。也不是为了要得到随随便便的掌声，好的。这是认真的演讲，而且是来自我的心底，所以听好了。
Yale sucks balls.Am I right? Cheer if I’m right!Ugh, they’re the worst!Yale asked me to do their Cla Day speech, but I couldn’t make it to the stage because I kept slipping in their drool.耶鲁逊毙了。我说的对吗？如果我是对的就欢呼吧！呃，他们是最烂的！耶鲁请我为他们的毕业日做演说，但我根本没办法走上讲台，因为我一直在他们的口水中滑倒。
It’s like a second tier safety school in the worst city in America.Guys, I am kidding.New Haven’s nicer now, than Rwanda!Little known fact about Yale:
那像是个在美国最烂的城市里二级安全的学校，大家，我是开玩笑的啦。纽哈芬市现在好多了，比卢安达好多了！关于耶鲁的小知识：
It was built on top of an ancient Native American toilet.I mean, it’s no wonder they’re called the bulldogs.They’re bunch of bigheaded, inbreds with breathing problems.And that comes with my apologies to any inbreds here today.Don’t let anyone compare you to a Yalie.它被盖在一座古老的美国原住民厕所上。我的意思是，难怪他们被称作牛头犬。他们是一群自大鬼，先天就有呼吸问题。而对于今天在座任何有先天性疾病的人，致上我的歉意。别让任何人把你和耶鲁人比较。
And look, this all might sound harsh, but in truth, Yale is basically a sewer filled with mole people…only replaced the word “people” with stinky, dried up dog turds that hate laughter and puppies.And that’s my heart stuff, you guys.听着，这所有可能听起来刺耳，但事实上，耶鲁基本上就是个充满游民的下水道…只是把「people」这字换成又臭又干、厌恶笑声与小狗的狗大便。而你们大家，这就是我的真心话。
From my soul, for some of you it might have been tough to hear, but I felt it was my duty to give it to you straight.Also quick confeion: I know literally nothing about Yale.But I will say this: Dartmouth can burn in hell!发自我的内心，可能对于你们一些人听来刺耳，但我觉得是我的责任要跟你们讲明白。另外很快坦承一下：我对耶鲁真的一无所知。但是我会这么说：达茅斯(美国长春藤联盟之一的私立学校)可以下地狱了！
Ah, Cla Day.You know, it’s hard to know where life will take you from here.What adventures you’ll have, which sitcoms you’ll write for, but my advice to you is simple: Relax dude!You just finished college at Harvard.You worked so hard.Trust me, you’re gonna kill it.I went to Santa Cruz, and then I transferred to Film School, and I’m rich!
呃，毕业日。你知道的，很难知道生命会把你从这儿带往哪里。你会有什么样的冒险、你会编写哪部电视喜剧，但是我给你们的建议很简单：放轻松老兄！你才刚结束哈佛的学业。你这么努力。相信我，你会成功的。我念加州大学圣塔克鲁兹分校，之后又转到电影学院，而我很有钱！
Okay, and I don’t mean spiritually rich or any hippie crap like that.I’m talking about racks on racks.Believe it!I’m being a little hyperbolic to seem cool, but I am up against Mother Teresa on this thing, okay? Okay，而我不是指心灵上的富有、或任何像那样的嬉皮废话。我在说一迭一迭的钞票。相信我！我有一点夸张好让自己看起来很酷，但这件事上我和特里萨修女杠上了，好吗？
Have you guys Youtube her Cla Day Speech? She was like, crumping and throwing bags of money into the crowd.I’m gonna take some liberties.你们有去Youtube上看她在毕业日的演讲吗？她好像，嘎吱嘎吱的把一袋袋的钱丢向人群。我要做些改变了。
In the days ahead, a lot of people will tell you to trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to take chances.And I am definitely one of those people.But I would also say this: Don’t rush into the next phase of your life, whether it’s grad school at Harvard or grad school at MIT, or…maively disappointing your parents by exploring your art made out of garbage thing.Whatever it is you try, make sure it’s what you really want to do.Because the only person who knows what that is, is you.今后的日子，很多人会跟你说要相信你的直觉，而且不要害怕冒险。我绝对是这些人之一。但我还会说这个：别急着踏入你人生的下个阶段，不管那是哈佛研究所或是麻省理工学院的研究所，或是…用探索你那垃圾东西创造出的艺术来让你的父母大失所望。不管你尝试的是什么，要确定那是你真正想要做的。因为唯一知道那是什么的人，是你自己。
And if all else fails, just remember these beautiful words from the film, Dead Poet’s Society: “Neil, my Neil is dead!My boy!” Which now that I have said out loud did not quite drive home my point as much as I had hoped.In fact, I’m realizing that only like seven percent of what I’ve said today has been at all helpful, or even paable as English.But in the end, I feel I’m only truly qualified to give you three simple tips on how to succeed in life: 而如果全都失败了，只要记得电影《春风化雨》里美丽的箴言：「尼尔，我的尼尔死了！我的孩子！」虽然我已经大声说出来，但那并未将我的论点如我期待的说个清楚透彻。事实上，我渐渐地了解我今天所说的好像只有百分之七真的会有用处，或甚至在英文上是及格的。但最终，我觉得我真正只够格给你们三个关于如何在人生中成功的简单提点：
One, cut a hole in a box.Two, put your junk in said box.Three, make her or him open the box.And that’s the way you do it.Also, I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but Dean Hammonds, I forgive you.Bygones be bygones.I’ve already got that sweet degree from Santa Cruz and film school anyway, so thank you graduates!Godspeed and congratulations, play the Yeats!一，把箱子剪一个洞。(批注3)二，把你的垃圾放入箱子。三，叫她或他把箱子打开。而那就是你去做的方法。另外，我不敢相信我将要说这个，但是Hammonds院长，我原谅你。逝者已矣。反正我早就从Santa Cruz和电影学院得到那可爱的学位了，谢谢你们毕业生们！祝福一切成功并恭喜你们，放Yeats的音乐吧！
批注1： wiener-song是隐喻Andy Samberg所属的团体The Lonely Island在早期推出的「Dick in a Box」、「Bing Bong Brothers」之类，多次提及男性生殖器官的歌曲。
批注2：Zuckleberry Finn是将祖克伯的名字恶搞，取一个和知名童话故事《Huckleberry Finn(顽童历险记)》中男主角的名子相似的昵称。
批注3：这边讲到的这三点，是取材自The Lonely Island早期成名曲「Dick in a Box」的三个步骤，大家有兴趣可以在Google搜寻找找看。
En8848原版英语
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